Friday, January 6th 2023, 10:40 a.m
Life is hard, and complicated. Maybe I'm naive and its been this way for a while but I was too blind to see it.
My feelings for others, and expectations always fall short. I don't expect much, literally the bare minimum and I can't even get that. Even my friendships go wrong because I'm shy, or niggas just do me wrong.
Ever since Mar, the 3 guys that came along were all inconsistent as fuck. drop of the face of the fucking planet for a week to a whole month and then come back and talk to me on your own terms. like yeah lmao.
I'm tired of people wanting what they want from me but can never give me what I want. I want time, I want effort, I want somebody to give a fuck whether I'm fucking alive or not. I keep having these situations where I'm just the side friend, the friend you talk to when you want to and 'ehhh I'll text her back later' aka 4 days from now.
LETS NOT EVEN TALK ABOUT THE FACT IM POLYAMOROUS LMAOOOO
i get called a slut and a whore. i just want to love more than one person at once, im not sneaking around, running game. I tell EVERYONE i meet because honestly its been such a bad experience with identifying as poly. I can't even have the partners i want because he's not bisexual and "doesnt wanna share" or whatever bullshit it was he said.
I compromise and fold out of love. but i think im starting to hate it. I think i hate love. i hate relationships, whether its friends or not.
~J
