Kpop One Shots

Chenji (NCT) *angst*

In advance a big *TW* here. This story is very deep and shows how life with psychological illnesses can look like. This story contains SH and it shows what is going on in someone's brain. Don't come at me if you experience different sympthomes I describe the ones I know.

I'm home", I shout into the kitchen where I can already smell delicious food. "Dinner is ready in 5 minutes", my roommate, Jisung answers while I undress.

I join him in the kitchen to wash my hands and look at what he made. "Chicken Curry cause I know you like it", Jisung states with a soft smile. "Thanks hyung you're amazing", I smile back.

"Did you ask your professor about the copies?", he wants to know. Shoot. I forgot about that again. It's been two weeks since he first asked me to get copies of a work from my Bio prof and I forgot about it again.

"I... I'm really sorry Jisung... I just...", I try but get cut off immediately: "it's been two weeks why can't you remember? Just one fucking time" He seems really angry right now.

"I'm sorry hyung I just I paniced today and...", I try again. "You really can do nothing on your own, can you?", he almost shouts and I flinch hard.

Jisung knows that I can't deal screaming and yet he shouts at me about how stupid I am and how I always say it's my brain's fault. I tear up and lower my head before quietly saying: "I'm sorry, I'll just go to my room I'm sorry... you don't have to talk to me anymore I'm truely sorry"

I make my way upstairs after he doesn't answer. I want to take a quick shower but seeing myself in the bathroom mirror, I break down crying.

All those thoughts suddenly come to my head. How he screamed at me, how my teacher looked at me today when I had a question. My hands start to shake and my breath goes unstable while tears roll down my face uncontrollably.

The thoughts seem to eat up every Logik thinking part of my brain. I look around. I need something, anything that helps me cope with this feelings.

The feeling of being a burden, of being just a stupid little boy. I see a blade on the sink and try to grab it. But my legs won't stand up, my hands are too shaky, they shake in my lap. I can't move. This is getting really scary, my body is our of control. More tears stream down my cheeks.

'Kill me!' This thought manages to get in my head. It eats me up, fills every part of my brain, my body, my everything. My hands cup my ears, I try to shut out the thoughts but nothing wants to work. I could scream right now. I grab the blade from my sink and let it go deep in my arm.

In that moment, I see a face near me. "Chenle", I hear Jisung who immediately kneels down next to me, "hey I got you I'm here" I feel him taking away the blade softly and sitting down next to me.

He leans against the wall and softly pulls me in a hug: "I got you you are save now" I cry even more my hands instinctively going to his shirt to hold onto something. Jisung pulls me even closer, I can hear his heart beat against my neck.

Slowly, I calm down again. My roommate just holds me in his arms, softly strocking my back and holding my hand. "I'm sorry hyung...", I whisper when able to speak again. "I'm here for you now that's all that matters I'll help you sort out the thing with your prof ok?", Jisung speaks in a soft voice and I just nod.

I managed to calm down a lot more. My breath is steady again, my hands are still shaking but not that bad and I stopped crying.

"You're doing so good right now I'm very proud of you, lets get you cleaned and watch a movie ok?", he adds softly putting a strain of hair behind my ear softly and I nod.

He then helps me to clean my arm and wrap it so that it won't get infected. Jisung the gives m on of his pullys cause he knows how much I like them and we go downstairs. "What movie do you want to watch?", he asks after laying down with me.

"Toy Story?", I ask and he nod immediately. A few minutes later, I cuddle to Jisung's chest while watching the movie slowly falling asleep.

This was really hard to write for me but I wamted to do it to inform you guys what it can be like if people suffer mental illnesses and how you MAY be able to help.