What Has Fallen

22. Alice: In Wonderland

November 1

12:01 AM

The gas station bathroom light flickered above me. I finished scrubbing my face clean of evidence of the fight. My face, once again, had cuts that would turn into bruises and lasting impressions of betrayal. Staring back at myself, I saw Alice in Wonderland. I followed the damn rabbit too far, fell in a hole, took some crazy drugs, and now all is not what it seems. Betrayal is starting to become extremely too common and I want it to stop. With the events that played out with Charlette, the silence from Henry, the coldshoulder from my dad, a homicide to commit, and Olive's birthday party tomorrow hanging over my head; I wished I had an off switch. Every time I fixed one situation, another situation seemed to fall apart. I needed a distraction. I needed a break. I needed a place I could feel safe enough to take a minute to relax and breathe. With everyone being effected by me in one way or another, I didn't know who to turn to.

I made my way to Jax's beautiful Pontiac GTO. I saw the small dent left from backing into federal agents and a smile found it's way to my face instantly. With all my emotions so haywire, I forgot about the one person who's done nothing but help me. He's shown me only kindness and respect. Why he's done so much for me or believed in me or saw the best in me I couldn't begin to understand. He's opened up to me and I've opened up to him in ways I never I thought I would or could. Somehow he's allowed me to feel relief for the first time in months. I knew I felt better - safer - around him. But, standing here, I think I revived a feeling I don't know if I've ever had. Security. Being around Jax allowed me to just be. I know we haven't spent too much time together, but our moments have been intense and bond building. I can't say I know for sure if he'd feel such a way, but I know there's something, otherwise I wouldn't feel this way.

1 AM

Jax opened his door and I held up his keys. He chuckled, "I didn't think you'd bring her back." He took the keys then his eyes landed on my bruising forehead. "Alice what happened?"

"It's nothing." I lied. It hurt. My head is throbbing and my body is aching. I shuffled my hair back and said, "Nothing I can't handle."

"Get in here," he moved aside making room for me to walk in. I didn't. I don't know why I froze suddenly. Jax looked at me funny, "Alice, you can stay here, it's okay." I felt nerves start to build in my stomach. "I'll get you some ice and you can relax." No, I wouldn't be able to. Jax would ask me to tell him what happened to help him understand. I didn't want to talk about it. I should have just gone home for the night, then returned his car in the morning.

"I have to go," I took a step back.

He went to touch my arm and I pulled away. I sighed. We both apologized at the same time. This was the first apology I had heard from Jax. He realized it too. Warmly he said, "Alice, please come inside." He put his hand out for me to take.

I swallowed hard and put my hand in his. I stepped inside next to him and kept my eyes looking at our hands. With a soft raspy voice I made clear, "I don't want to talk about it."

Slowly I wondered up to his eyes and a light smile appeared on his lips, "Alright." Jax closed and locked the door. I sat on the couch and he went to the kitchen. He walked back in with a bag of frozen peas. I tried not to laugh. I looked down and covered the smile pulling at my lips. He chuckled, "It works, alright," and pulled his coffee table closer to me. He sat down and put his hand up as a warning he'd be going to touch my head. I tilted my head slightly to the side so he could get to the bruising spot easier.

Gently he placed the bag on my temple and I reacted much more childish than I thought I would. I winced, "Ow." His eyes caught mine. We shared a smile as he applied a little pressure. My smile quickly faded as I took a sharp breath in.