What Has Fallen

26. Alice: Better or Worse?

November 4

7:04 AM

Hollow. Meaningless. Worthless. Empty. All mean without meaning.

That's my dad's house is without him. Nothingness. Marble floors and high ceilings echoing painful silence. Expensive items filled rooms and halls, but have no purpose. Everything, all of it, means nothing without my dad here. Him being in the hospital feels like I'm losing him. The doctors will help him - I know that. But this, the silence, the empty feeling, the burning idea that one day the house will actually be without him...

I walked through the house and pushed those awful thoughts from my mind. I headed to the kitchen and stopped at the doorway. Charlette stood staring blankly at the pointless ring on her finger. She twirled it over and over. I assume she felt my eyes on her when she looked at me and placed her hands on her stomach. Her face stayed stern but her eyelids sat heavy over her sorrowful eyes. In our silence, my older sister confessed she's scared. I looked away, "I'm gonna see dad soon. It's best you stay here." Surprisingly, she agreed. I nodded and left her to her thoughts.

Upstairs I stood in front of my old rooms' full length mirror and watched a drop of water roll over my shoulder. Staring at myself I wondered how others really see me. I wonder if I'm really seen as just a mobster daughter or if I'm seen as the fakest of my sisters. I wonder if people are afraid of me and that's why they always work with me. I mean, I need some people afraid of me, but not people in town. People like Henry. I know if I weren't me, I'd think I was fake. In a way, I guess I am. I'm always the person people need me to be: the fixer. I make problems go away at any means necessary. Even if that means I become the bad guy. What if I am the bad guy?

"Alice." I jumped hearing Olive's voice. "Sorry," she apologized as I turned to her. She looked over me worried, "Are you okay?" I rubbed my bare arms and nodded. Olive cocked her head to the side, "You sure? Cause you look like... rough."

I huffed, "Thanks Olive."

She scuffed a withered laugh, "You didn't sleep last night, did you?"

I shrugged, "Maybe for an hour." Olive's doe-eyes looked so worried. I knew she still felt rattled by last night. When Charlette and I arrived this morning, Olive sat on the stairs waiting - wanting to know everything. The two of us explained the situation. By the end, Olive went as silent as the house and we all went our separate ways not knowing exactly where to go or what to do from there.

"Oh," Olive mumbled and fiddled with the silk sleeve on her robe.

"Olive," I said in a soft tone. She peered up at me and I asked, "What is it?" She shrugged. I informed her we'd leave to see dad soon and she still said nothing. Something much deeper troubled my sister and I couldn't put my finger on what. I said, "Olive, talk to me."

She looked hesitant. "I don't know..."

"You didn't really understand everything did you?"

She looked away from me, then moved over to my old bed and sat down. "I didn't want to say anything in front of Char..."

I made my way to my little sister's side and nudged her lightly. I chuckled light-heartedly and said, "Yeah, it's a lot and," I admitted, "I don't truly get why everything's happening either."

She let a weak smile play her lips as she said, "Do you think Char'll go to jail?" She swallowed hard, "I mean, like..."

I shook my head, "Don't worry." I knew worry already plagued all of us. I ran my hand along her hair smoothing it out and softly smiled. I refused to lie, so I explained, "I am going to do everything in my power to make sure Charlette, dad, and," I fixed another piece of hair and looked in her eyes, "and you, will be okay." Her bottom lip quivered ever-so-slightly as her eyes teared up. I tilted my head taking in Olive's melancholy state.