Your Last Everything

Chapter Ten - Ava

Aiden latched on the instant I took my breast out, and I leaned back in his bed while I nursed. I could smell him on the blankets and pillows.

His scent was everywhere, and I closed my eyes as I relished in the minty smell of spearmint.

After nursing him and burping him, I checked to see if his diaper needed changing. Thankfully, it was fine. I placed him on his stomach on his bed to play and then there was a knock on the door.

"Come in."

Dimitri walked in with two white mugs in his hand, "Coffee?"

"Yes, please," I said, getting up to take it out of his hand. "Thank you."

"You sleepy, zayka moya?"

"Exhausted. I think he's teething, so I'm stuck all night nursing and making sure he doesn't get a fever." I sat back on the bed and crossed my legs, making sure my dress covered everything.

Dimitri came and sat on the other side next to me. "How long does he let you sleep before he wakes up to nurse?"

"Depends, really. Sometimes three hours, sometimes thirty minutes."

"So, you're up the entire night."

"Basically. My mom says it gets easier as they get older. I'm planning on weaning him off at a year, but even then, I know I'll have another thing or two to deal with."

"Weaning?"

I raised a brow. "I thought you read books about parenting."

"I did. One book." He answered, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand nervously.

"It's when you stop nursing. You wean him off the breast. It's a whole process." I explained.

"One year that seems like a long time."

"Some mothers nurse for three or four years."

"And the milk doesn't like get cut off? It just keeps coming." He said in awe.

"As long as the baby wants, the body produces."

"That's so fucking cool."

"I guess it is, yeah."

Silence fell upon us, but it wasn't the uncomfortable kind. We both just sat there, drinking our coffee, with Aiden in the middle as he played with his feet and hands.

This was how it was supposed to be—a family. We were supposed to be a family. Someone I can talk to about Aiden.

Someone who carries him when I can't. Someone who looks at my son with love and adoration as if he can't believe we made this human being.

I felt myself getting emotional, and tears formed in my eyes that I aggressively wiped away.

I didn't need a man. I could raise Aiden all on my own, but to have someone who loved him as much as me.

To have someone who would protect him with his life like me. That was something I wanted, something I wished for.

Aiden had me, and I would be everything he ever needed and more.  I'd be his mother, father, protector, and friend all rolled into one.

This was what being a mother was.

Sacrifice.

You sacrifice your body to have them, and then you spend the rest of your life sacrificing your happiness for theirs.

I set the mug down on his bedside table then reached over for Aiden and held him in my arms.

"I think I should be heading out."