Your Last Everything

Chapter Nineteen - Ava

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me." Noah said, "I know I don't deserve your acceptance of my apology, but I promise you that I'm not the same man as I was before."

Turns out, he did live in the same place. Same house and phone number too. After knocking on his door, we arranged to meet up when I didn't have work. He was free since he didn't even have a job, considering his teaching license was revoked. 

We were in a café a few blocks down from his apartment. I left Aiden with my parents and told them I had to meet up with a friend and that I'd pick Aiden up after to spend my day off with him.

It was weird seeing Noah. Uncomfortable even. This was a man who I once called my best friend, my lover, a man I laid in bed with and complained to. A man I spoke to about my dreams to. 

He was also a man who made me feel like I was nothing like I deserved nothing. He was a man who threatened me, sent horrible messages to me, a man who I had to remind myself; I shared a child with.

"I don't know what to say. I wasn't even going to come. I didn't know if I wanted to see you again or not."

"I messed up. I know I did. I said things I should have never said. I treated you bad, I know I did. Fuck, Ava."

"What am I supposed to say? I didn't deserve you then and I know I don't deserve you know, but I want to make this right. Please."

"People say that someone's drunk words are words they're too afraid to say sober. Do you even remember what you would say to me, how you would talk to me?"

"Some of it is mostly a blur. I don't remember much about our relationship, but the parts I do remember...they're ugly. They're disgusting, and I hate them, hate that part of me."

"I hate that part of you too."

"Nothing was your fault. Every bad thing I did, every fucked-up thing I said, they weren't your fault. It's all on me. I'm working hard on trying to fix myself, on trying to heal from my own mistakes."

"My therapist says my drinking problem stemmed from a lack of confidence. He says that I drank to hide my insecurities, my flaws, and everything I hated about myself."

"I used to love everything about you, Noah. You used to be sweet and kind to me. You used to hold my hand whenever we went out."

"You'd hug me whenever I was sad. Tell me you were the luckiest man in this world because you had me. We had a good thing." My voice cracked, and I hated that it did.

"I hate that you messed it up. I hate that you drank." I wiped at my eyes, hoping I wouldn't break down into full sobs in the middle of the café. 

"I think I just need time, Noah. I can't accept the fact that you're suddenly clean, and that you're this new guy."

"I understand. I can't force you into anything, Ava. When you're ready to forgive me that has to happen in your own time, in your own space. I'm already thankful enough that you gave me some of your time today."

He paid for our untouched coffee and pastries, then walked me out to the parking lot. "Noah." I said before he could walk towards his car, "I'm happy that you got sober."

"I'm happy too."

"Same place, same day, next week?" I asked, and he gave me a beautiful smile.

"I'd like that, Ava. See you then."

"See you."

I waved him off before unlocking my car and stepping inside. I called Dimitri and pressed on the Bluetooth so I could talk to him while I drove.