"I didn't choose this for myself: the constant heartache, the feeling out of place in my own home, the lack of freedom. I didn't choose it, just like you didn't, Elijah. I can live with a husband who doesn't love me, but I will not forgo respect. I'...
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I'm still looking at the weird pairing, when Elijah moves by my side, "Lilliana, move. Now. Let's go." I hear him, but his words don't register, as I'm too busy looking at Zak dip his head and place another quick kiss on Emma's lips.
A hand around my bicep pulls my attention away from them. "If you don't want me to forcefully move you, start fucking walking, Lilliana." Elijah is pissed, and it's written all over his face, so I finally get my legs to move and walk to where Kenan is standing.
"Are you okay, Mrs Haze?" I nod, refusing to look at him and letting him see the moisture gathering in my eyes.
You cannot believe people will ever truly love you the way you are, Lilliana. So much work needs to be done to make you lovable.
The voice that has haunted me my whole childhood appears in my mind for the first time in years, reminding me of all the conviction I had to unlearn about myself.
You are lovable, Lilliana. You are enough. For yourself, for others.
But if you were, then why did the two people who you loved the most betray like that?
My steps are automatic, and when the car door is opened for me I step in, not even knowing how I made it here.
Elijah joins seconds after and closes the door so hard I jump in my seat. The whole ride to the hotel is silent.
My mind keeps going back to that club, and Zak and Emma. I know I have no right to be upset, because I'm the one that left, but it doesn't hurt any less. They were my family. My everything.
In the hotel lobby, three men that were previously lounging in the communal area join us in the elevator, and we all make our way to our room.
The seven men in the elevator don't utter a word until the door to our room is opened by Elijah.
I'm ready to go to my room and lock myself in before my husband's voice stops me. "Lilliana." I turn and the look in his eyes lets me know he's pissed. "Yes?"
"Next time I'm leaving a building I expect you to be right behind me. Don't let what happened today happen again. If you had just stayed by me, Oron wouldn't have grabbed you and wouldn't have threatened you. Do you understand how serious things are right now? I physically attacked the head of a crime group. It doesn't matter how weak he is. He still has power. And you did it again when we were leaving. What's wrong with you? There'll be repercussions, and whatever they'll be. . . It's on you."
Before I realize it, a tear slides down my cheek. I don't wipe it quickly enough and everyone sees it.
Without a response, I turn and go to my room. "It's okay. Ana, you'll be fine," I whisper to myself.
I close my eyes, take a deep breath and think about my dad.
Before his untimely death, his embrace was my safe space. I had happiness in him, and as I close my eyes right now, I can almost smell his cologne, and almost feel his hands wrap around me as he whisper, "I'm here, darling. Whatever you need."
