EYE OF THE STORM | k.kazuha

16: LOSS OF A FRIEND

That night after you got back to the Alcor, Kazuha asked everyone to remain silent and not disturb you. You still smiled at Furong as you gave her the items from Bubu Pharmacy. She was concerned, your sunken and puffy eyes being a dead giveaway of tears.

The crew decided to oblige as per Kazuha's wishes, and let him take care of the rest. Beidou was watching close by, wondering what happened in the harbor. Did you and Kazuha fight? Then again you two always got into friendly banter. She squinted her eye as he lead you back to your quarters.

"What do you think happened to those two," Beidou asked her fellow sailor.

"Kids these days get into a whole bunch of trouble. Who knows."

🍁

After a long shower, you finally returned to your room. You lay on the bed, crouched in a fetal position. Your wet hair drenched the sheets, but it covered the tears as well. You hated this.

The guilt was so overbearing that you couldn't even think straight. If you hadn't seen that woman, would you even feel this way? Would you still be living a life that you didn't deserve if you weren't reminded of just how selfish you are?

Suddenly, a soft knock at your door was heard. You could already guess who it was, and you didn't bother to decline. His presence was comforting to you, and even if you didn't deserve it, he was the only thing you wanted to be selfish with.

"Come in." You weakly said.

The door creaked open as the sounds of footsteps came closer. The bed shifted as Kazuha sat at the corner, looking down at your figure.

"Do you need space? We can talk about it another time."

You stayed silent, the only sound filling the room was your sniffles and uneven breathing.

Kazuha understood and stood up. He gently pats your back before turning to leave. Before he could, though, your fingers gripped his sleeves.

They curled around the fabric, tugging for him to stay. He obliged, seeing no reason to decline otherwise.

You repositioned yourself on the bed, laying on your back as you made room for the samurai. He layed down next to you, looking up at the ceiling.

"Her name is Yui." You started.

"She was the little girl I met back when I was 12 in Amakane island. She was bawling her eyes out because she lost her shoes, so I gave her mine and told her off. Since then, she became sort of my younger sister."

You smiled softly, recalling the day you first met. The cuts on your feet after giving away your shoes were painful, but for once in your life, you did a good thing so it didn't matter.

"She invited me to her house a lot, but I had to enter in secret. Her family worked for the Tenryou Commission, so you can only imagine why they didn't take me in. Adopting a bandit would be scandalous, hm?"

"She was kind and always saw the good in me. She was the first person to see that behind all the crimes, was an actual person. I treated her like a sister, protected and taught her things I thought she needed. As you know, she was the person who convinced me to leave the Nobushi."

"What makes her different from you is that I felt obligated to take care of and raise her. She was my 'sister' after all. Abandoning her would be the same as abandoning actual blood-related family. I feel disgusted with myself for doing so.

Your words became quiet as you spoke the last sentence. Kazuha sensed the pain in your voice and placed his hand above yours.

"What if she got hurt or was found by the Nobushi? What if they threaten her just to get revenge on me? If they hurt her and I'm not there, then it's all my fault. If she gets into trouble and I'm not there, then I'm to blame."

Your eyes no longer held tears, but weakly shut themselves. You were tired, yet you could not let yourself sleep. Kazuha turned his body to face you, putting a strand of hair behind your ear.

"You aren't obligated to protect anyone, but yourself. Yui has grown up and knowing who she looked up to, I'm sure she can handle herself. You are a strong person who endured so much pain, you deserve to be happy now more than anything."

"Although leaving without notice can hurt someone, I'm sure Yui took the news just fine. She saw you for who you are, and I'm sure until now understands why you did what you did. Don't blame yourself anymore, Y/N. Guilt does nothing but eats you up, and I don't want that fate for you."

"Yui would want you to be free of your past and live, as happily as anyone else in this world."

A small smile crept up into your face. You also turned your body to face Kazuha, being closer than you've ever been.

"Thank you for being here for me, Kazuha. You always know what to do and say."

"I don't. If anything, I'm a hypocrite for giving you advice I myself haven't applied to my life."

"Hm?"

"I don't think we should talk about it. I'm here to comfort and talk about you, after all."

"I want to move on from this guilt, so let's move on from me. I want to know more about you."

Kazuha, although still calm on the surface, had that same sadness in his eyes. You figured it had a connection with his old friend and masterless vision. Your hand gripped Kazuha's tighter, a sign that no matter what he said next, you'd listen.

"As you know, I had a close friend that I made during my travels. One day he asked me about a certain sword art of the Raiden Shogun, the Musuo no Hitotachi. It was her symbol of ultimate power, and it was his dream to witness it. He believed that there will always be someone who will be able to withstand it."

"Once the Vision hunt decree was implemented, many vision bearers, including myself looked to leave Inazuma. On my journey to find a way to escape, I heard the whispers of a man challenging Kujou Sara to a Duel Before the Throne. It was his way of rebellion."

"Just like you, when I heard the news, I blamed myself. I ran to Tenshukaku, hoping to save, or at least help my friend. Yet, when I arrived he... I witnessed as his broken blade hit the ground, and as the Raiden Shogun drew her sword. I could not bear to look, but I knew I had to do something, anything. I grabbed his vision, still glowing bright like his will. After I barged in, I ran. I ran as fast as I could, became a wanted man, and realized what I just lost."

A shake was heard in his voice. This was the first time you heard him falter.

Now you understood why he knew exactly what you went through after you left the Nobushi. He was once a runaway too, being hunted for blood. You wondered how lonely it must have been for him. Witnessing your friend's death and having to fight for your life shortly after. How lonely it must be to not be able to talk to anyone when he was a wanted man.

"The vision burned my hand as the light slowly faded away. I took it before anyone could because I could not let the hope that he hold on to so tightly, be abandoned. He had so much hope and fought so bravely for what he believed in. I know he died a noble death but... I can't help but blame myself for being too late. For not being able to protect my friend."

Soon tears formed in his eyes. It was a surprise, all things considered. At this moment, you felt the closest you've ever been to Kazuha. Not only did you find out about a personal memory, but now you got a closer look into his mind. You were not so dissimilar and because of this, you felt his pain.

You wiped the tears from his eyes and held both of his hands.

"As you told me, Don't blame yourself anymore, Kazuha. Guilt does nothing but eats you up, and I don't want that fate for you. Besides, your friend wouldn't want you to cry over this. Instead, he'd want you to keep fighting, just like he did." You comforted.

"This is.. the first time I cried after I started working for the Crux. I must say, it felt nice."

"I guess you also have to learn how to sort your feelings out, hm?"

"I see that every day, we get more and more similar. I do not mind, of course. You're someone worth looking up to."

"I can say the same for you."

Despite the tears shed that day, your night ended with a lighter heart. You only hoped that the laughter you shared with Kazuha didn't disturb the whole crew and their well deserved rest.