Some Lonely Feeling ✧ H.S. A.U.

Chapter 4;

I looked across the room, rubbing my eyes to halt my foggy vision from the night’s previous unsettling sleep. I looked at the clock to find that it was unfortunately only two hours until Niall’s funeral. I had tried my best to push this day away for weeks, but that's pretty hard when it's something unavoidable. Procrastination wasn't an option, considering this was going to happen no matter what I did; it was coming. I was dreading getting out of bed, and not only that, but dreading the day entirely. I wasn't ready for the emotional toll that was about to come from this. 

I sat up, pushing my covers aside, as I pushed away some messy strands, finding that my hair was extremely tangled, causing me to sigh heavily, knowing that, that would only be one more of the mornings obstacles. 

I had felt decent the past few days. Somehow I had felt as if most the emotion that I had been struggling with were gone, like shock. It hurt generally, but shock was a massive half of the pain. I ambled over to the mirror, running my brush through my hair, then after walking to the bathtub, I turned the hot water on and put the plug in the drain, filling it. I pulled off my blue t-shirt, followed by me stripping out of everything else. The tips of my toes touched the water, followed by my body soon dipping down into the heat. I sunk down into the water, my breathing becoming heavy from the hot temperature. I was hoping that by the time my chin was touching the surface, that maybe I would have loosened up a bit, but unfortunately I seemed to be permanently tense. I looked around the dimly lit room, becoming more observant of the tiled floor, and the open window opposite of me across the room. The wind blew in through the small space, giving my body two different senses as the cool air hit my face, with my body still in the warm water. 

After sitting in the tub for what I thought was long enough, I stood up; draining it all, and getting under the shower water I had just turned on. The water soon got cold, and I then decided to finally get out; growing tired of the feeling. I walked across the room, blow drying my hair, and soon I approached my closet getting a glimpse of the black dress I had decided to wear. I slipped it on slowly; looking in the mirror immediately after. The top went to the end of my neck, right over my collarbones, and it had mid length sleeves that went about half way down my arms. The tightest part stopped at the bottom of my ribcage, and it sort of fanned out in a simple manor, ending at the top of my knees. Under the dress I wore black pantyhose, which I matched with a pair of heels matching in color, which had a bow on the top area, where my toes were. I pulled my silky hair back, leaving down half of it, tying the remaining parts that were up with a bow almost identical to the ones on my shoes. I decided it was best to wear no makeup, considering I was going to end up crying a great deal. I looked drowsy, and you could tell I was slightly sleep deprived, but it was alright. Though I was pale, my skin was an even tone, and other than looking a bit sickly I guess I managed to look decent. I eased my hand down to the vanity, and picked up a light rose colored lip gloss, putting it back in place after application. I could’ve cared less if it wore off. Niall’s funeral wasn’t about me looking good; it was for him.

*

I took in a deep breath as my vision directed up to the steps of the funeral home. Well I suppose this is it, I thought, swallowing down what I could of my emotion. I stood there motionless, as the doors unexpectedly swung open quickly. Running out was a small girl, along with an older woman gripping her wrist as she practically dragged the younger one down to the sidewalk. The younger girl seemed to have reluctance as she finally un-tensed herself, surrendering to her mother I assume; considering the resemblance. Both had brown hair, blue eyes, and their noses seemed to be similar. They were both crying, and to my surprise the younger girl was more composed in comparison to the older one. It was sad to see how puffy the young girl's eyes were, telling me that she hadn't been spared the pain.