Some Lonely Feeling ✧ H.S. A.U.

Chapter 19;

This is a bit short, but after reading it, I don't think (I know) it won't matter... 

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At this point, it felt as if I did nothing but sleep, considering here I was waking up again. I looked at the the gray ceiling of Harry's car. In the backseat, I was tucked under a pile of blankets, the one we were sitting on just a bit ago, on the bottom of the layers, leaving the pleasant scent of Harry around me. I turned my head to the right, leaning up only slightly. I stared at his hair, and his neck, and just his everything, smiling widely, because I couldn't stop myself with the amazing feeling flooding in my stomach,"Where are we going now?" I asked grinning. 

There was a cold look on his face; not mad, not sad, but... harsh, "Nowhere," he paused, speedily turning the wheel to the left down a familiar turn downtown, "I'm taking you home."

I felt my expression change abruptly, "Why?" I unraveled myself from the layers and layers of blankets, now beginning to make me stuffy.

His jaw seemed to tense up from the angle I was observing it, "I um, just have something to do."

I nodded, deciding not to continue the discussion any further, "Oh, alright."

I decided to sit myself up properly after taking a brief moment to think about lying myself back down, which I decided was probably not best unless I wanted to be exhausted the remainder of the day. I leaned my head on the cold glass of the window, pulling the white blanket over my lap. I watched as rain began falling from the sky in the foggy morning light. It was beautiful actually; everything about it. 

After a good five minutes had passed, I began wondering how long it was going to be before we finally arrived to my apartment building, but my answer was soon answered when Harry parked. He got out of the car angrily, and it was now he was absolutely, clearly upset. My heart sank seeing his awful expression. It made me feel so horrible, and in comparison to my happiness a second ago, it seemed ten times worse than it may have been. He slammed his door going over to mine opening it for me, tapping his foot as he impatiently waited for me to get out, "I'll get the blankets," he snapped lowly as I began walking quite fast ahead of him. I wasn't sure why he was upset, but I felt as if it was directed towards me, and I was prepared to avoid the conflict.

Considering the length of his legs over mine, it didn't take long until he had already caught up with the blankets and all, not struggling at all. The speed of his walking was so fast compared to mine, and the constant clenching of his jaw was making me even more uncomfortable. 

I don't know why I made the bad decision of taking the steps, but I did, only seeming to make the tension between us grow stronger. I ran the best I could, pulling back stray strands of hair, as I tried looking at him occasionally, but he refused to make eye contact. What felt like forever was over when we finally reached the end of the seventh floor. I neglected to lock the door when I left, making the entrance quite simple, "Alright Harry, do you wanna tell me what the hell is wrong with you?" I spat, suddenly feeling an abrupt change in mood. 

He paused for a minute, "Claire, it's sad because I-" he ran his hands through his hair, which seemed to mean nothing at this point. I turned around, standing a bit straighter, going towards the window where there was nothing but a foggy view considering the rain had began falling heavily, leaving its loud sound on the roof. I tried to calm my breathing, because I was actually becoming quite anxious. I clenched my fists, then loosening them up, turning to face him. I guess I had noticed his footsteps behind me, but he was a lot closer than I expected; definitely a lot closer. His warm breath washed over me when he began speaking, "I can't do this anymore."

I backed away a few steps, attempting to avoid anything but eye contact with him, "Do what?" I snapped.

"This," he stuttered,  going to the left wall near the couch, "This whole thing where I pretend we can only be friends, Claire, I can't- I won't do it anymore."

My heart sank; my stomach flipped. There it was. I knew it was coming. Back in February, when he made it clear the first two weeks of hanging out that he liked me, I figured I could push off the topic, but there it was. It was about time, "I thought you were over this!" I spat, lying through my teeth.

He nodded, licking over his teeth, "What the fuck? How could I just be over it?" he yelled, "I mean, I- Right when I thought I was getting somewhere, of course I mean you-"

"I what Harry? Huh?" 

He thrusted his head towards me, a deep look in his eyes, "You know it's wrong to lead people on," he said. Though his tone had lowered greatly, there was still a brisk edge to it.

I looked to my hands guiltily, "I wasn't leading you on."

He furrowed his eyebrows, looking at me like I was naive; like I was stupid, "Than what would you call it?" he asked harshly, "Because if you didn't want to be with me all this time, you could've just said so! I would've been happy to leave a long time ago!"

I stomped closer to him, "Really?" I paused pushing him, which did nothing to his balance. The only effect it had on anything was the smirk now spread across his face, angering me further, "Cause if you were so fucking ready to leave, you could've! I would've been fine without you, Harry!"

He began stepping closer, "How would you have been fine without me, when I've been all you've had these past few months!" he yelled, "You wouldn't have met anyone else! You push everyone away!"

I looked up from the ground. I felt no need to yell any longer, "Then leave now," I whispered, "I mean if that's how you feel, than get out." Harry seemed to loosen significantly. I think even Harry was shocked. Maybe he was shocked because all this had happened entirely, or maybe because of what I said. I didn't know. Regardless, there was a massive part of me regretting my words, but there was also a fury inside of me strong enough to motivate me further; telling me not to take any of it back, and that's what led me to my next words, "I didn't plan on all of this going this far anyway."

He took a few quick steps, his hands held onto my sides, right where my torso curved roughly, pushing me against the wall, which in the process knocked down a few pictures in the process, one being very important, "Tell me you love me," his hot breath washed across my warm face, only heated with anger. God, he was gorgeous, "Do you love me Claire?" he asked.

My heart was beating so fast; the sound of it was pounding in the back of my ears where it echoed repeatedly. Through all the thoughts going through my head, I chose the first one I knew I'd be the most comfortable saying; of course; the wrong one, "I don't love you; you ass."

His chest rose and fell from his heavy breaths, mine doing the same causing us to breathe in unison. Considering his body was pressed against mine so hard I could feel his heart rate, which was beating profoundly; for the same reason mine was.There was a confident expression on his face, that didn't last long, because as soon as my words came out of my mouth, it faded, and he now looked very sad; very depressed, "Fine."

I pushed him off of me, making the first move, only hoping he would walk away. I didn't want to look at him anymore; not after how I had made him feel. I knew I had made him feel like shit, and I felt so guilty. Why aren't you fixing it now? I thought, questioning myself, Hurry! Now's your chance! I ignored my thoughts, swallowing hard, holding back the pressure building in my chest, "Bye, Harry."

The worst part was, that after all of this, I was never going to see him again. He took a few reluctant steps, almost thinking it all through, but I knew he wouldn't stay, because he wanted so much more than what I was currently willing to give. There wasn't anything I could say to get him to stay; only one thing, and I would never admit it. He walked towards the door, only turning around once, "You know the saddest part of this all is that- that I care about," he was breathing extremely heavy, clearly holding back tears, making my stomach flip, "Good luck Claire... With- with everything."

I watched him shuffle his way out of my apartment. I didn't even get a clear view of his face, and that was good, because I wouldn't be able to handle it. Then, less than ten seconds he was out the door, and there I was again; alone.

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It was so sad writing this part, but stick with me here, because things are about to be AMAZING and I'm really, really excited! Thank you so much for reading! Remember to vote, comment, and share if you liked it! It would mean a lot! :)