Some Lonely Feeling ✧ H.S. A.U.

Chapter 23;

I dragged myself out of my car, slamming the door behind me. I wiped my eyes-not that it was going to matter; not with the rain falling at the rate it was. I can't believe I had fucking broke down. I let out a heavy breath, It's only a block, I thought suddenly being grateful that yes, it was a block, and not five or more at that. 

I coughed pulling what I could of my jacket over only a bit of my face; attempting to protect what I could of what was remaining dry on my body. I began jogging as quick as I could without tripping over my feet. I was almost dizzy it seemed, which made a lot of sense; I was exhausted. Am I going to end up like I was before? I began questioning myself, because honestly I was feeling pretty shitty-kind of depressed. No, I couldn't. Not again, because if I were to meet someone, yes, yet again, if ever, I couldn't seem so pathetic. I made a fool of myself with Harry, and I never wanted that to happen, not once more. Just face it's time to move on, I thought. From who? Which one? Or, was I already past Niall... Was I only upset about Harry? I couldn't really think about it, so I guess that was my answer; not quite there yet I guess. My thoughts were racing to the point that they were barely making sense almost, so in result I soon just decided to push them all aside and not to think at all as I soon let my jacket go out of my hands. 

I was out of breath by the time I was half  way there which genuinely showed how out of shape I was. At this point I was soaked fully, and there was no reason to even continue shielding myself. Plus, a slow walk back wouldn't matter. I didn't have anything to do; for anyone. You know, I was always happy alone but I wasn't feeling to happy alone now. I didn't really understand why. I never needed anyone to fall back on. Did I? Maybe it was because I always did need someone; someone to fall back on; someone that was there but when I didn't want them, I could just push them away and be... alone... Was I really that type of person? I guess, maybe- no. I didn't know, but the more I thought about it the worse I felt about myself. I really am a bad person, aren't I? I thought. I never did anything to deserve anyone; not Niall, and not Harry either. And, this entire time it wasn't being alone I liked, because now I actually realized how awful it actually was, and how awful it always had been. It's not called being alone- it's called being lonely; I was lonely. 

Finally, after a long, depressing walk I reached my apartment building at last. I trudged my way up the stairs, not looking up for anything. I only looked at my feet, not risking a conversation with anyone, I guess not that anyone would be out at this hour. I pushed my hand into my back pocket, pulling out one thing I hadn't lost tonight; my keys, when suddenly I heard my name, "Claire."

Oh my god, I thought as my eyes grew wider, he's not actually here is he? I glanced up reluctantly, feeling that now my hand was shaking, "What do you want?" I snapped; feeling that now it was somewhat time for my payback. 

"Look, I don't fucking wanna fight, Claire!" he spat standing onto his feet. He was as wet as I was. His curls were sopping, but I could tell he had been here a while considering they were beginning to dry. Other than his hair, his clothes were practically glued to his body.

"Harry, how long have you been here?" I whispered, walking over to my door and unlocking it before turning around to face him.

He took a deep breath as he rubbed his hand up his arm anxiously, "A couple hours." I didn't respond. I instead went inside where he seemed to hesitantly follow me, "I really need to talk to you," he mumbled, "Not argue-though I expect that's how it'll turn out..."

I ripped my blazer off throwing it on the floor, "What's there to say?" I asked going and sitting on the window seal, crossing my arms, "I mean it seems everything's already been said and done if you ask me," I said.

He nodded, "No. There's a lot to say..." 

"Like what?"

"I'm so sorry; sorry for leaving and for everything else," he replied walking closer, where I put my hand up in protest.