My Adeptus💚🖤

Knowledge is Pain

Zeile's POV

As I was working the next day I still had a lot on my mind, I couldn't focus and I kept shaking, I soon jump as I feel a hand on my shoulder, I quickly turn to see my mother with a worried expression "I think you should take a break for a bit" she says and I nod slightly, she tries to mask her worry with a happy smile but I could see right through it.

I walked up the stairs to the balcony where I knew I'd find Xiao, but as I stepped onto the balcony I felt my legs shaking, I never had this problem before, I had walked up the stairs many times before so why was now any different "Are you feeling okay?" Xiao asks as he leans against the rail, looking out at the landscape "I'm fine, it's nothing a good night of sleep won't fix" I said, I heard him mutter something but I didn't know what "Can you repeat that please" I ask as I stand next to him "It was nothing" he says.

I gently grip the rails as I feel myself becoming more and more unsteady "I'm so exhausted today, I haven't been able to focus and I've felt super weak" I explain but he was just silent so I look over and find him staring out into the distance, lost in though about something and that's when I realize "Oh! You're probably upset I didn't bring you any almond tofu. Hold on I'll go make you some" I say, I turn around and start walking towards the stairs but before I could get far I felt my legs give out.

I closed my eyes tight expecting to fall but I felt Xiao grab my arms and hold me steady before pulling me close to him, I open my eyes and find that I was resting my head against his chest "You don't always have to bring me almond tofu, just your company is enough" he says and as I looked up at him he averted his gaze "I'm dating you for you, not your cooking" he mutters, just loud enough for me to hear.

It surprised me, even though we were dating it was shocking to hear him say anything like this, what was also shocking the the burning feeling on my skin wherever he was touching, it felt like my body was on fire and not in the good way, I instinctively pull back and he looks at me slightly confused "It hurts. My body hurts when I touch you. It feels like I'm on fire" I say as I gently run my hand over where he had been touching "the two parts of what you are, are fighting. You don't want to accept the fact that you are part Adeptus and so, you're pushing it back... Hiding it, your human side is rejecting everything to do with Adepti" he said and my eyes widened.

Xiao took a step back from me "so that means I can't be around you" I questions as the air began to feel heavy "Not until you've accepted yourself" Xiao says and I take a step forward quickly hugging him before he could step back again "wha-" he started but before he could finish I cut him off "I don't care if I'm hurting, I don't want to lose you again" I say, remember the last time he distanced himself from me "I don't want to be the reason you are in pain" he said as he hugged me tightly.

"Please, let me be selfish" he says as he let's go of me slightly and I look up at him, at sometime he had teleported us to my room, he lips ghosting over mine and I quickly close the gap, it hurt but I didn't care, but he soon pulled away "if we don't stop this now I won't be able to. I'll be there if you need me, I promise that I won't let anyone hurt you... Just please don't make that person be me without a reason" he said as he sat me on my bed before disappearing in a plume of black mist.

The next few days, I was stuck in my room but each day I would wake up with a gift on my nightstand, sometimes it would be a crystal core, other times it could be a starconch or even some cor lapis, but each time they had something in common, each of the gifts I would wake up to had a letter carved onto it, I wasn't sure what exactly it spelled out but I knew who was doing it.

It's been a week since I've been stuck in my room, but today I feel much better, I also woke up a lot earlier, there was no gift awaiting me and my parents hadn't brought in breakfast but since I was feeling better today I will make the most of it, so I get up and quickly get dressed before heading out the door "Feeling better today?" My mom asks and I smile and nod "Good, I'm still not letting you come back to work though" she says with a slight laugh as I walk past my mom to the kitchen "Micah stopped by a couple days ago" my mom says and I pause.

"Micah did? And did you tell him about..." I ask and my mom shakes her head "we just told him you came down with a cold because of overworking yourself and that it would be better to come back later" she says and let out a soft sigh of relief as she then brushes my hair out of my face but as her skin came in contact with mine it stung a little so I back out of her reach and begin making food in the kitchen.

My mom softly smiled before heading to the counter upstairs to start work I was slightly bummed because I wasn't fully better but I knew I could manage, I made myself breakfast before making some almond tofu for Xiao, once I was done I quickly ascend the stairs, which made me aware I was better enough to do that "Xiao? A-" I start but before I could finish he appeared "So, you're feeling better" he says and I nod "Yep! And I brought you some almond tofu".

Xiao then hesitantly takes the dish from my hand, being careful not to touch me, he then backed up far enough so that he wouldn't cause any problems "how have things been going since I've been gone? My mom won't tell me anything, and just now told me that Micah came to visit" I said and Xiao sighed "Yeah... Micah... He came to visit 3 or 4 days after you were first stuck in bed, he kept insisting on seeing you even though your mom told him you were sick, luckily you were asleep so you weren't bothered... Pushy bastard" Xiao says, muttering the last bit as he took a bite of his almond tofu.

I just laugh "Yeah, Micah has always been a bit... Persistent especially with me. My mom used to think he had a crush on me when we were little" I say with a laugh and Xiao mutters something that I wasn't able to make out "Other than Micah things have been going okay" he says and I smile "What about you? How have you been holding up" I ask and he looks away "I've been just fine... It's been a little weird without you, but I've been fine" Xiao says.

Soon we both finished our food, he handed me his plate but stopped me before I could leave "Wait" he says and I take the opportunity of walk closer to him, Xiao took the plates from my hand and gently placed then down on the table before handing me a necklace, the gem on the necklace was beautiful, it was a piece of Noctilucous Jade with the letter o carved into it "Wow... Did you make this? It's beautiful" I say as I look at him "Of course I did" he says and I smile "thank you" I say as I put the necklace on.

"You look gorgeous" Xiao softly says and I step forward and hug him, it hurts slightly but not enough for me to let go "But-" Xiao starts but stops and just wraps his arms around me "I love you" I say and he smiles "I love you too" he says as I wrap my arms around his neck "You're so pretty" I mutter as I look at him before pulling him into a gentle kiss, when Xiao kissed me back the kiss became much more heated and passionate.

As we kissed Xiao pushed me onto the table and pulled back and stared into my eyes as his own were clouded with lust but as he looked at me he scowled and leaned into my neck peppering soft kisses onto my exposed skin as I caught my breath "Xiao" I softly mutter as I run my fingers through his hair, Xiao then trailed his hand gently up my leg before abruptly stopping and pulling back "I... I can't. I want to so bad, but I don't want to hurt you" he says while looking away, face flushed.

I was still out of breath as I stood up and fixed my clothes, Xiao was caring even to the point of burdening himself for my health, I grabbed our plates and looked back at him "Thank you for the gifts" I said with a soft smile "Yeah" is all he said as he fixed his hair.

As I walked down the stairs I felt my legs getting weaker but I had to push through it, I washed the plates before feeling my legs start giving out, but I quickly make it to my room and collapse onto my bed, even though I had barely done anything I was exhausted so as soon as my head hit my pillow I fell asleep.

Preview

Eventually the days all mushed into one, I lost track of time and would barely leave my room—"Zeile, are you okay?" I had told him I was fine but he was still so worried— "you need to be careful Zei"