The Life of A Victor || Finnick Odair

CHAPTER 32

➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳➳

Inside the train, hours passed rapidly, and soon enough it was midnight. Dove was impatient to talk to Finnick about everything that had happened. But she still wanted to wait two weeks to tell him her feelings. 

Even if, in the case, the train wasn't being monitored, she wouldn't confess her love there. District Four's beach had always been their confidant. The only place that wouldn't tell a single soul about their secrets and worries.

"Again deep in thought?" Finnick commented playfully, driving her back to reality as he sat next to her on the bed, keeping his eyes on his hands before he spoke up again. "Are you OK?" he asked, this time more seriously.

"No, I'm not OK. But I've made a huge step. I'm accepting my fault in Alder's death," Dove announced as she saw Finnick opening his mouth in shock. He tried to deny it, telling her she had no fault, that it was the games' fault, but she didn't let him.

"Finnick, I'm accepting I did it. And I did it because there was no other way. Would I have left him to bleed? No way in hell. Would I have killed him if there were other options? Also no." Dove continued, making him look at her sadly. "But, I had no other option. I killed him, Finnick. But that doesn't mean I regret it. It just means I have to live to accept it, and I'm starting to do so."

She had spent the hours until he arrived to think about it. She hadn't killed Alder for survival. She hadn't killed him because of the Games. His death was the request of a dying friend that wanted nothing more than to pass away peacefully. A request she accepted and followed. Not because of the Games, but because of her friend.

It was her fault he was dead, but, at the time, she only did what she thought was best for her friend. If roles were reversed, she wouldn't want her family to see her die painfully while her ally just watched. And that was all that mattered for her now. Alder had forgiven her with the Mockingjay, and she knew it was time to accept and forgive herself too. It would take some time to process everything, but she would try her best.

"It'll take time, but I'll be OK. You were right, it does take ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart." Dove commented as she rested her head on Finnick's shoulder. "How are you doing? It's been a long time since you've told me anything about you." She added.

"I wish I could do something to reduce that time," Finnick confessed, intertwining his left hand with her right one. "And, frankly, since your games, I didn't want to burden you with my own thoughts when you were struggling with your own. I only wanted to protect you in the only way I could think of." He admitted as he looked in her direction. Her face was still bright pink all over from the cold in District Twelve, except her lips, that were a darker colour, almost red.

"I know you tried to help, and I'm thankful. But you, my family, and everyone else needs to stop it. I'm never going to move on if you treat me like a glass doll." Dove said, causing him to go silent. There was no comeback possible to her words, and both knew it. Everyone was treating her as a decorative doll, like a wounded animal, as a bird that couldn't fly.

"I'm scared," Finnick admitted, to her surprise. "Do you know why President Snow spent so much time in my house?" Dove's eyes widened as she heard the president's name. How could he bring up such a dangerous topic in a Capitol's installation?

"Don't worry, I can tell you," he added after seeing her shocked face. "When he appeared, he not only threatened your life, but also threatened your body," he said, lowering his eyes to the ground.

"What do you mean by my body?" Dove asked, puzzled, raising her head from his shoulder to look at him. Her deal guaranteed her not to be sold off, and if she played her card right, she could keep her loved ones from spending too much time in the Capitol.