The Road to Paradise

my story

I'm craving,
I'm caving,
my brain might be breaking,
I'm trying new things
and I'm anticipating,
the day when I'll celebrate,
the day when I'll seal my fate

I'm wide awake
even when I'm sleeping,
and I'm sleeping when I'm wide awake.
I'm feeling,
I'm reeling,
I might throw up-
the smoke that fills my lungs,
disintegrates the dull flowers that grow there

but please don't look at me-
I need my nicotine.

I'm a fish,
and I float in the water at breakfast time.
at dinner I'm a buffalo,
and I cry myself to sleep.

I try to write down all my thoughts,
take some notes
connect the dots.
because my brain is covered in fog,
I need to have the facts.
but I can't ever find a pen,
and half the time
my paper's too thin,
the color bleeds much like my skin,
and that's why
a good pen is hard to find
can't cross my T's or dot my I's
there's way too much false advertising

I'm in love with a ghost,
sometimes I feel
that I'm lonelier than most,
I pluck all the flowers from out my chest
and give each one out freely

at the end of it all,
all the dedication,
there will be a celebration.
even with my
insane
bad brain,
I'll be the character
on the page
of my favorite chapter,
of my story.