starting a new

Let be real

Axels POV
There was a lot of pain in this family. I could see it in everyone of them, like if one more of them dies....they all will. Her brother Keith was the worst followed by Kiki, her mom then the rest of her siblings. It hurt me to see. There house was clean, small and hardly had anything in it but a lot of pain, love trying to work its way back. I didn't mind sitting on the floor, it was cool to get to know Kiki's family. There fun. A lot more close then mine. I have two younger sisters and that's it. There five and eight. We are close but not like this. Most likely since we have our own space at home. We all parted around midnight laughing our way to bed. Kiki showed me to her room and disappeared for a while only I didn't notice since I was out cold as soon as my face hit the pillow. When I woke I was alone in Kiki's bed. I blink yawning. It's been a while since I last did that. Sitting up I jumped when I headed the click of the door. Kiki stood next to the door looking extremely tiered. "Hey you okay?" I asked getting up. She came over wrapping her arms around me. "Yea...just spent sometime talking to doctors." I push her beautiful red hair behind her ear looking into her eyes. "This early in the morning?" I whisper. She nodded. "Yea..." "did you get any sleep last night?" "Not sure...I was still some what high...it was a blur but I spent time with all my siblings...think by then it was three and the buzz was fading...then worry set in." She sighed. Carefully I picked her up kissing her. She melted in my arms. I could feel all her anxiety and fear leave. I smiled setting her in the bed and kissing her deeper. I lay next to her. "You should get some sleep." She turned facing me. "I can't." She whispered. I bit my lip. "What can i do to help?" Kiki looked away. "I don't know...help me forget that I have doctors appointments later today...potentially a sugary tomorrow." Oh man...how do I do that? I pull her close to me kissing her. "I'm so sorry, I wish I could take this all from you." "I don't" she said "it sucks." She curled into me whispering "would you have sex with me again tonight?" I paused at the question blushing. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that..." "no, Umm yea...I don't mind...but are you sure..." she nodded. "Yes..." "I think you give me to much credit...I'm no Superman...what if I don't pull out in time. Maybe we should use protection this time..." "no, I really don't believe in that stuff, you have sex knowing what it leads to." I looked at her. There was no doubt in my mind, I loved this woman, but she's 18 and I'm 19...is this even a good idea. I knew if she got pregnant I could support her...but is she even really ready for that chance. She's freaking out. I don't blame her, brain cancer is a lot. I was lucky last time, I had no idea what to expect but the sensation a male has before there sent over the edge was so powerful thankfully. But I read sometimes the feeling grows to be to much that you sorta just forget, hints why now there's condoms. "Im going to mess up so badly one of these times." I whisper. Kiki nodded touching her nose to mine. "And I'm prepared for that." She whispered.  "I feel like that's your goal." Pushing her hair behind her ear I sighed. "I May have broken one of my morals but I won't brake this one, I won't have kids with anyone till I'm married." "I agree..." the hesitation made me raise am eye brow. "But?" "I really want a baby before I die." She whispered tears sliding down her face. "Oh baby you will, your not dying any time soon..." "please axel, don't feed me that bull crap, I have brain cancer and I've never heard of anyone living with it...and chemo only prolonged there life for so long...but I can't have a child after this chemo...I'm lucky if I even can with my last chemo..." she began to sobe. I held her close realizing the gravity of this situation. My brain was still some what cloudy from last night. Crap what do I do. There has to be something I can do, I love her to much for this situation to be hopeless. "I can't go back to that frail helpless girl." She was shaking now. I don't know much about cancer. But I know it sucks...can be traumatizing. She's not thinking clearly. But is it really my job to give her this? I love her so dearly, some how I feel she's my future there's no doubt. I mean when I gave in to having sex with her I knew she was the only one for me, the only one I will marry... "I love you." I whispered in her ear pulling her closer. Pressing my lips to Hers, I could feel her sobs catch in her throat and taste her tears. I climb onto of her kissing her deeper fighting all the different emotions I could feel radiating off her. It hurt my chest so much. You can't die. I won't let you, I love you to much. Please God...I'm not strong enough to find my soul mate and then loss them like this. I pulled her shirt off tossing it to the floor. I wasn't doing this irrationally, I was carefully thinking this through. I could see Kiki's worry of not being able to have kids, she might not be able to right now actually, but I knew I wanted to try for her. This is hard because if she does that's nine months of her cancer being untreated and maybe even getting worse. But then if she started everything would be recked in her. At lest now it's been five years without cancer that she's given her body time to heal. "Marry me." I whispered looking into her eyes. Her eyes go wide and she gasped a little as I stroked her side with the tips of my fingers. She looked into mine bring her hands from her face to mine. She laughed. "I'm such a mess...are you sure?" I nodded using my thumb to whip some of the tears away. "Yes...I'm so sure, I know we haven't known each other that long but oh my gosh your my everything. I don't care what happens as long as I'm with you." Kissing, Kiki wrapped her arms around my neck. "Yes, a thousand times yes."
Kiki's POV
"Kiki?" I jumped awake gasping. The door opened and Keith said "you okay, it's like...oh God I'm so sorry!" He stepped out closing the door. That's when I realized I had no clothes on. Turning red I looked to the side we're axel was supposed to be but he wasn't. Instead there was a note that said "went out to get something's, didn't feel like waking you cause you looked so peaceful finally. BRB ❤️ axel" "one sec" I called out embarrassed. I grabbed my robe off the floor and pulled it on to cover me as I opened the door. Keith ran his fingers threw his hair looking at the ground the same way I do when I'm embarrassed. "I'm sorry I should have knocked first...I didn't know you wouldn't be dress..." he laughed a little "what trying this new trend we're you sleep naked?" I blushed "ummm...no not really." He raised an eye brow "then why? Cause like...your boyfriend left around eight this morning, it's six thirty pm." I frowned glancing at my alarm clock. "Holly crap! I missed my appointment." Keith looked so confused. "Ummm yea...any ways dinners done, why don't you clean up and join us." I nodded closing the door and leaned against it covering my my face with my hands. Holly cow that was embarrassing. Not just that but I missed my appointment and...and...and... my face turned a deep red. I can't think about this right now I have to shower. Rushing into the bathroom I take a quick shower and got dressed running down stairs. Everyone was serving up. "Kiki! We missed you all day, were we're you?" Tim said stealing a roll off of carters plate while he wasn't looking. Keith smirked kicking carter from under the table. "Ow what was that for?!" "Nothing." Ben laughed water coming out his nose running down his face and covering his shirt. Everyone started to laugh as I took my seat next to mom. "Fuck you." Ben mumbled to Keith as he held his napkin to his nose. "You okay honey? You look uncomfortable. " Mom asked me laying a hand on my shoulder.  I bit my lip. She's not wrong, I was lucky to have even made it down stairs. My legs were so shaky. I glanced up at her nodding. "Yea..." Keith handed me a plate. "Your boyfriend good? He left rather early." He said raising an eye brow. "Umm...I think so. We didn't talk, it was around five in the morning when I finally layer down for bed."  He nodded looking away. "When will he be back?" Ben asked setting down his napkin. "I'm not sure...if he's smart he would go home cause we have to go back to the school, he has foot ball and I have finals." My brothers erupted. "But you just got here." "But we never got to play!" "I thought you would stay longer." Never a dual moment in this house. "Sweetheart what about your appointments?" Mom whispered to me taking my hand under the table. My brothers were now kicking each other to shut up so they can yell at me first while Keith tried to make them stop. I looked away from her sad eyes. "I'm not going to do treatment...right now?" Keith and mom froze and everyone shut up finally. "What..." Keith said releasing Ben and carters hands. "Kiki you can't. Your treatment will keep you alive." "No, it will only kill me...I'm finally health...I don't want chemo right now." Keith wasn't very happy. Mom on the other hand was sad. "Sweets...why?" Glancing around the table I sighed. "Because...maybe after finals when it's summer time. Let's not talk about this right now I'm hunger." Picking at my roll with my free hand mom nodded. "Okay..." dinner was kinda abnormal, it was quite. It bugged me but I had no right to change it since I caused it.  When I finished my plate I slowly got up and fell over hitting my head on the floor. "Kiki!" Mom and Keith were at my side in seconds.  "Are you okay!?" I nodded "yea...my legs are just jelly..." Keith raised an eye brow lightly touching my four head. "Still same old clumsy Kiki." He mumbled wiping the blood on his fingers on his jacket and picking me up. I yelped "hey put me down, I'm a grown adult I can walk." He just laughed carrying me up stairs to my room were he sat me on the bed and went into the bathroom coming out with the first aid kit. Sitting down he sighed "so was this an attempt to get out of chemo or get him to marry you because your afraid you will die before meeting the one?" "Neither." "Then why? Because your risking your life on this. And I can't allow that, I love you to much...we can't take another loss." "I know...but I want a family of my own...and I don't want cancer to take that." "I won't...why can't you wait till after." "Because Keith, I won't be able to have children after this chemo...and don't feel me some crap about adoption...it's not the same." I flinched as he cleaned the wounds with an alcohol whip. "How long till you tell mom?" "When it happens...if it happens...I have a 65% chance of having a child...I already took the tests. It made me cry...but my doctor said it went to 80 with strong genetics." "That's good...when was your first time?" I shrugged "about two weeks ago." "I'm guessing there was no condoms this time then?" "No...but there wasn't any the fist time either, you know how I feel about that." "Mmm true, but that's why I am still a virgin." He laughed. I laughed a little nodding. "Well...you should get some rest, your backs going to be killing you in the morning." I nodded wrapping my arms around Keith. "I love you." He held me tightly "I love you to...please, don't leave me." "Okay...I won't."