starting a new

One month later

One month and a lot of anxiety attacks later with no ,means of making them better, it's now three days and counting till I get married. I was so panicked about getting in front of everyone and talking that we rescheduled . It made me feel like puking. But I refuse to be that girl again. I loved the new me and I don't want this new me to be fake, or just me because of a couple hundred pills a day. So I worked on it, putting myself in situations were my stress levels go up and anxiety is inevitable. Axels always there to make sure I'm okay. He's been a real help. My doctor did have me proscribed pot again, but twice a week to keep my stress down. It wasn't good for the baby. Which by the way was very healthy. There growing well and getting enough nutrients thanks to axel keeping me in check. Axels mom Christy was dragging me around a lot picking hair, nails,  makeup (not a lot cause she says I'm naturally beautiful) and dress. The shoes were a bit much but I feel that way about any heals. I'm going to fall. Out of all the crazy in my life I laid in bed today and realized something that made me start crying. My dad...wasn't going to be walking me down to the walk way (I have no idea how to spell what you call the walk way, I didn't have internet when I was writing this.). I knew Keith would...but we all knew deep down...it hurt to know. I only had my best friend Rachel and my brothers to be my brides maid and maids of honor. We decided that his friends (the foot ball team) would be his grooms men. I sighed rolling on my side. Axel had went out shopping so I was staying in his room for a nap. My feet hurt and I was tiered from trying to keep up with his sisters. They were all over the place wanting to swim, bike, jump on the trampoline, and or play different board games. I was so grateful I wasn't that pregnant or I wouldn't have been able to do any of it. I just couldn't sleep. Rachel kept calling cause I haven't talked to her since I started dating axel and now she hears I'm getting married. I wasn't against telling her...I just didn't want to right now. My sex drive was up again and I couldn't take medicine for it still. Why does so much have to be wrong with me. Can't I be a normal person. Rolling onto my side I sighed. What the hell is normal any ways. Why would I want that? Then what would be the point of life? My phone started to ring again. It was Rachel, for the 20th time in a row. She must not be busy. That's no good, that means she's going to be doing this for a bit. "I'm sorry Rachael..." I whisper tossing my phone to the end of the bed on silent. I'll make it up to her tomorrow. I was to anxious. Maybe I should get up and met Rachel now... "Kiki?" I jumped. It was axel. "Babe! What are you doing back so soon?" He raised an eye brow "I was gonna an hour shopping for mom....what do you mean?" I shrugged sighing "not sure...just caught me off guarde." He set a bag on the bed and sat next to me rubbing my leg. "You okay?" I nodded. "Yea." Axel laid a hand on my arm as he pulled himself all the way onto the bed and on top of me. I laid back slowly as his lips glide up my neck. "I don't believe you." He whispered before pressing closer and kissing my lips. I laughed as he traced figure eights on my hip, it tickles. "It's nothing...just emotionally unstable." I  breathed. He stroked my cheek laying down next to me. "Got you something." Smiling he grabbed the bag and handed it to me. I opened it to find my favorite chocolate, sea salt pop corn, ice cream and several movies I've wanted to see. I smiled "movie night?" He nodded kissing me again. "Felt you would enjoy some time to relax...my little sisters have been a hand full. Don't worry I got them a premium subscription on Disney+ so they have hours of movies to watch that are coming out." I smiled closing my eyes. "I love you." He whispered I my ear rubbing his nose on my cheek. "I love you more." He laughed getting up. "Want to go on a walk?"

Axels POV
My mom was all over the place as soon as the alarm clock turned 7:00. She came flying into my room jump scaring Kiki and I, and basically dragged Kiki away. I was left with my dad to wait for Kiki's family, best friend, and my groom men. They showed up at eight. We then loaded everything we needed into the car and began the three hour drive there. Everything looked amazing, Kiki was in the church a good distance from we're everything was going to take place. The large beautiful field was decorated with pews flowers all leading to a gazebo turned into an amazing altar. Further out was the reception. Lines of tables with chefs grilling, cooking and setting up food while attending to the large chocolate fountain. A circular table surrounding it held many types of fruits. Lastly is the dance floor. Hours were spend lining the ground with black and white checkered flooring. A white large sheet lined one side ready for the projector. Lights hung all around and speakers spread out. It was perfect. Jim came running over. "Hey man let's make our way to the church, guest will be arriving shortly and no one's dressed but the girls." I nodded following. In the church we had a larger room to change since there was more of us. I could here Rachel squealing. I met her when she first arrived but she ran off to help the bride. Kikis brothers where messing around hitting each other with there nice pants. Before I could say anything Keith walked in with his booming voice saying "Nick! Ben! What did I say about messing around, today is Kiki's special day and your messing up your pants. Put them on!" He was fixing his royal blue tie. He looked really nice. He was all cleaned up, piercings out, clean shaved and hair groomed back. He even trimmed his hair. His hair was a brownish red, not as red as Kiki's since her moms a full on red head and her father had brown hair. Only Kiki has the full red. Keith's eyes met mine. "Ready?" I nodded pulling off my shirt as Jim handed me my button up. My father came over to help with the tie. He smiled at me. "I'm proud of you my boy." I bit my lip hugging him. Dang was this going to be one emotional day. All of us were tearing up as we checked each other preparing to go great guest and wait. Jim pined the blue rose on my coat and together we all left the room. Guest were already finding and claiming places in the pews. I walked around greeting all of them with Jim and Keith so that I could introduce Keith to my family and Keith for his. We did that for an hour till my dad retrieved us saying it's time to get ready. The priest was here and sitting down to play the first two songs. That gave us men time to get organized. Keith ran off to the church with the groom men and my sisters. This was going to be so good.  The priest came to stand with me and everyone was finding there seats. "You ready?" The priest asked smiling. I just nodded smiling back.