The Red Knight - Merlin BBC [2]

Chapter 24: Heart's Desire

"Losing Aro, it's broken something in him, I can see it", Kohl acknowledges, arms tucked behind his back. "We should be careful from now on."

"Agreed", I nod, walking in time with the noblemen. "When Aro accused me, I could see it put a thought into his head. Hopefully, it was just a thought and nothing else."

"Yes...praise it be. On the bright side, we successfully framed Aro and Jackson got the stone. It's with Leitta as we speak," Kohl explains.

I finally let myself breathe, relief washing over my tired body. We've finally had a win. After so much work and scheming, we have managed to have a success finally. We have put mistrust in the family, and Ronon is beginning to make decisions on impulse. We are on the cusp of taking down the wolf forever.

We come to a pause in the dark hallway, turning to one another with wide grins. "I best get to practising my magic. The day is approaching fast...only a few to go."

I haven't let myself think that I will be taking all the lives that Ronon has stolen. I can't allow myself to. I have faced death so many times that I no longer fear it, yet I will now never bear the fear of old age in a cruel twist of fate. I may still die, but it could not be for many hundreds–thousands–of years to come.

I will cross that bridge when I come to it, as I will when my friends grow old. All I care about is saving my family and others from bearing Ronon's wrath ever again. It is a problem I will face when the time comes.

Kohl looks down on me with fondness. "An eternity of Edythe sounds like trouble for the world."

I hit Kohl on the shoulder, the both of us laughing. "I might do some good with that eternity!"

Kohl snorts. "Good? That's debatable."

"I'll have you know I am a physician back in Camelot, and I have amazing people skills", I argue, playing with him out of joy. Having made some amends with Jackson and winning the stone, my spirits have returned.

Kohl watches me with amusement as I rant about all my best qualities that could save the world, a twinkle in his eye. I'm cut off mid-sentence as Kohl pulls me into an embrace, lips finding mine.

I am still in shock. In an unexpected gesture, I feel conflicted. Yet I don't pull away. Instead, I give into his embrace and push further into him. The kiss is quick and uncalculated, heated and forceful. Neither of us takes a breath as we get lost in the moment.

Time passes, but somewhere between the rush and entanglement we are in, I find my mind wandering to someone else. My mind does not imagine Kohl but someone else. I suddenly wish someone else's hands were on me, wrapped around my waist and in my hair. I long for their lips to be upon mine as Kohl's are.

I find myself retreating from Kohl's embrace in a rush of regret.

I feel wrong. Like I had made a move that the universe screamed at me for. I had never thought about it. I'd never seen someone that way, especially him. Yet, in Kohl's affections, I wished it were that someone and I began to feel sick to my stomach. Although there was nothing to betray, I still felt pain for him. For Leon.

I denied my feelings all this time, or perhaps it was simply that I didn't understand them. Physically I am attracted to Kohl. He has helped me gain and do more than I could have hoped to achieve in this place, and for that, I am grateful. Perhaps in another time and place, we would be more.

Yet his gesture has cleared my mind of denial, confusion or whatever the hell it was. For the first time, I know what I feel, know what my heart desires. As long as I live, as long as Leon lives, I know that he will always be the one that I want.