The Red Knight - Merlin BBC [2]

Chapter 3: Secrets

The air is tense between everyone as Leon, and I take our seats at the table. Arthur doesn't appear concerned. He looks far calmer than Gwen, who looks at me with deep and grave thought. I share a glance with Merlin once more, the warlock shrugging. He doesn't know what to expect.

I know how severe it is that I let Tyrant go, and I am willing to take the consequences. Yes, I don't know who he is now as a man, but I do have the memory of him as a child. That memory is the very reason that I let him go. I couldn't bear to see him hurt. In the few short years that I knew him, he was like a little brother, even like my child in ways. I was the one who raised him for those years...

I admit it was a rash. A quick decision was made on emotional grounds. Because he is like my extended family, maybe if Tyrant had stayed, I could have convinced Arthur to go easy on him. But now I'm at the deep end of the situation. I'll have to talk myself off the hot seat and pray that everything will go back to the way it was...and if not.

I don't know what I'll do.

I know Arthur would never be able to put me on the chopping board in Tyrant's place. But he would banish me from Camelot if it is as bad as I fear.

I don't know what I'd do. I'm not that person anymore. I'm not the cunning and intelligent person I was years ago. I don't think I could survive in that life. I'd return to the druids, to Iseldir...that is, if he is still out there.

I don't even have that guarantee. I haven't heard from Iseldir in years.

I force the thoughts from my head. I shouldn't be jumping to conclusions when Arthur hasn't commented yet.

"I'm going to assume this isn't what it looks like", Arthur states, his hands clasped in front of him.

"I can explain," I answer, my voice seeming so much quieter than Arthur's.

Arthur nods. "Please."

There's no use glossing over the story. I know Arthur will see through my lies, and what use have I to lie? Arthur is my brother, and the people in this room are my family. I do not need to lie to them. "He's an old friend", I answer.

"Old friend?" Arthur asks, eyebrows furrowing. "A druid?"

"No," I whisper, unable to make eye contact with him.

Arthur's jaw tenses. "Someone from your...trading days?" He chooses his words carefully.

Arthur hasn't called me a thief in a very, very long time. He prefers to leave that past in the past. Arthur has endured much heartbreak and many betrayals from people he put a lot of trust in. I know that removing my bad history altogether makes him feel like he can completely trust me. It also helps him justify the wrong that he and I had done by our Father and the years that we'll never get back.

I understand why Arthur can never bring himself to hate his Father. Another reason he has chosen to forgive and forget. So he doesn't have to endure the pain.

"Yes-Kind of...it's hard to explain that aspect", I justify. "But we knew each other a very long time ago. I-I practically raised him. He was just a little boy when I...." I pause.

I can't tell them about that part of my history. I can't tell them about my maker. About my old family. The family. Yet, they were so far from it. Too many questions will follow, and I can't bring myself to answer. That was a dark history in my life. I refuse to revisit the memories, never mind including Arthur and my new family in it.

So I bend the truth despite how much I hate it.

"When you what?" Gwen asks kindly, leaning forward in her seat to take my hand in hers.