Lavender | Wakatoshi Ushijima

19 | Looks and Lies

I felt like such an idiot. I actually had my hopes up, I really did.

For as long as I can remember, I've been drilling it into my head not to have any high expectations at all. Especially with my parents. So why was I expecting anything?

I had my hopes high and clear that they'd be here. I don't want to, but I can't control it. I caught myself hoping they'd leave a card, a present, a message or a call. Forget the materialistic things, I was hoping they'd take a day off from work to spend some of it with me.

I'm never enough. I'm a waste of their time, that's what I'll always be to them. Maybe I thought I was somehow worthy because it's their only child's eighteenth birthday. A milestone, my entry into adulthood.

So, I woke up by myself in an empty home. My father did send me a message but he's not the emotional type. A simple happy birthday with some things here and there. At least he remembered, right? I should be grateful.

~

After making myself my favorite breakfast, I decided to light a little candle and sing happy birthday to myself. I just imagined my parents were sitting next to me. I stopped halfway through. I ate in solitude before doing the dishes and cleaning.

I decided to wear a floral dress for the lovely weather outside, I also let my hair loose. I can go for a walk later, maybe visit Mrs Sasaki. That's when he arrived. It was time for Wakatoshi's tutoring lesson.

Usually, Wakatoshi and I walk home together after school but today there wasn't any. Our school celebrates the arrival of spring by giving us the first day off.

I opened the door with the happiest expression whilst saying,

"Welcome Wakatoshi."

"Hello, Hana."

"Have you brought the play's script?"

"Yes I have. I do recall you told me we'll extend today's lesson to work on it, I wanted to thank you for taking more time to help me."

"It's my pleasure." I smiled.

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In the dark blue rental, Jin flips through his unfinished Shonen Jump manga, Eita chats with Reon in the back, Goshiki and Yu sleep on Yunohama's shoulders, Kai tunes out with an audiobook, Umeda and Yusho doze off on the windows, and Kiyomi and Hayato sleep in an embrace. Taichi, Shirabu, and Tendō are the only ones left awake, or at least fully conscious to the hushed atmosphere. They sat closer together at the front, listening to jazz music. Tendō much preferred Indie or Alternative music, but for the sake of the sleeping passengers, he was willing to make that sacrifice.

Tendō is still on the highway, loosely holding onto the steering wheel when he received a message from Wakatoshi saying he understood the plan and that they're currently studying.

"Got the green light boys! Everything's set." Tendō says while taking a rigid right, riled up with excitement.

"Let's hope Ushijima can do it." Taichi said.

"I think he'll pull it off." Shirabu replied.

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When I returned to school on Wednesday (yesterday) the day after missing school for an appointment, there wasn't that much conversation between us on the walk home. But today, there was catching up with notes, talking about the Hayashi rice I cooked him when he was sick and even talking about a bunch of things like our interests. It was all loaded with deep talks and memories. The highlight was definitely his improvement though.