Lavender | Wakatoshi Ushijima

41 | Signs?

"Can you tell me what happened to her?"

"We do not know exactly why she has collapsed. We took a look at her medical records, and Miss Takahashi is severely anemic and she has other blood problems. She was being treated for them. For the past years, she has been prescribed various pills and took multiple a day. She was clearly on her way to recovery, as shown in her most recent tests. But from the data we have and are working to retrieve, it seems that she did not take her dose recently." She took a pause, and when she did Ushijima felt his pores absorb the reality of it all. Anemia, blood problems, pills, tests. What kind of hell was Hana Takahashi living in all her life? He remembers when she mentioned how her health took a turn, but that memory is a dead end.

"She could have forgotten it for the past week, or just that night. We are currently unsure and will need to ask her why once she is in recovery to determine her future medication." She speaks lower with that last sentence, and it gives him the impression that she doesn't want to spit that out.

Suppressing the pain in his chest, he asks,

"When was she brought in here?"

"She was rushed in last night from an ambulance."

"Was anyone with her?" He asks. Was she all alone and unconscious? Was she safe?

"Luckily, yes. But, please do not tell anyone for the sake of privacy. I am only informing you to relieve you of your worry. The ambulance was called by a teacher from Shiratorizawa Academy named Mrs. Yumi Ito. When the doctors questioned her, she stated that she wanted to call Miss Takahashi to check in on her. When she responded, Miss Takahashi panically said she had fallen and was losing energy and consciousness. She also stated that she had not taken her medicine and had been sick for weeks; she was crying out for help through the phone before she lost consciousness. Mrs. Ito dialed for help. When she and the medical workers arrived at the Takahashi household, Hana was unconscious on the floor of her bedroom."

He is silent, staring in agony. She continues planting that hope inside of him. Just like that spot in Hana's backyard, that plant won't grow. That soil has lost all hope for a new beginning.

"I know this must be a shock to hear, but I can assure you this could have been an entirely different situation. The important thing is that she is safe and being treated."

His mind is a haze of chaos and loud questions that were slamming themselves on the table, demanding to be answered.

Was she cold, lying on the floor of her bedroom?
Why didn't you call? He wants to rip himself to shreds, he is feeling more contempt for himself than his body could bear. He caresses Hana's hand again.

And then it hits him, a double edged sword in the middle of a war, piercing through him.

Would she have left herself to die if Mrs. Ito didn't call? Could she have died that night?

"This could have been an entirely different situation." Is that what she means?

He watches his heart split clean in half. And then, it shatters into pointy shards.

He watches her and realizes she was suffering so much more than she could bear. She was dying, and in that last moment she could've let herself go.

His vision is multiplied and unified all at once. He clutches his head in his hands. His eyes are pinned to the floor as he tries to steady his breath under his mask that is heating up, the machine's beeping growing fainter. He is being dragged into the depths of hell.

The nurse is crouched down next to him, her hand reaching out. She has a taupe clipboard in her left hand, clutched to her chest. Her hair is cut short, a subtle brown color. She wears light scrubs and pastel sneakers. Her mask has an animated cat on the side, smiling back at him.

"What's your name?" She says softly. That's the first time he's asked that question. Everyone knows him.

"Ushijima." He gasps, unable to breathe.

"Why not take a stroll, Ushijima? I'll join you, and I'll listen to your story. You can tell me about Hana, if you wish." She smiles. For the sake of where he was, he holds himself together.

He peers at the nurse, who was up and ready to go. She is looking out the door, checking if her coworkers were nearby. Looks like she wants to sneak him out, but didn't want to pressure him with the truth to leave.

He looks back at her. The past feels even further. He is still hoping she'd wake up. It's like he's walking away from ruins and hopes to see a flourishing kingdom every time he looks back.

A faint glimmer from the bedside table. It is a gleaming beam, reflecting the sun. It looks back at him. It's as if the universe sent him another sign, just as he is about to let her be. Maybe it's stopping him, perhaps it's telling him Hana will be vital again when he's gone. It could've been meaningless, merely the sun reaching a new angle in that moment.

He perceives the shape of that thin metal sliver that was set on the table. Simultaneously, it shines a little dimmer for him to outline it in his vision. He hears horror laughing in his ears, a rip opening in his chest.

The necklace he gifted her. It's on the table.

"Are you ready?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Author: phoebe bridgers hits every time