kill 4 me // jaeyong

-Chapter 16-

Chapter 16

Taeyong woke up and looked at the clock. The blue pixels read 2:02 am. He noticed that Jaehyun had rolled away from him. He rolled to his side and tried to fall back asleep but he couldn't. His mind blurred with images he knew but wanted to forget.

He felt crazy sometimes. He knew what he was doing but he kept telling himself it was right if no one knew. He had to keep this side of him. It was a dangerous game to play but he kept dealing his cards anyways. Taeyong ran his fingers through his hair before walking over to Jaehyun's desk.

He rummaged around as quietly as he could. When he found what he was looking for, he walked out onto the balcony. He stuck it between his lips and struck the match. After lighting the cigarette, he flicked the match to the ground and drew out a puff of smoke.

He couldn't remember the last time he felt this sting in his chest and against his lips. He always missed the slow death. He knew he was sick mentaly but he didn't know how to manage it. So he ended up living with it.

Sometimes he didn't understand it, but others? He could remember everything his own eyes saw. He knew he wasn't the real version, just a facade. He was supposed to be the innocent one. Sometimes they'd mix too much. At this point it was just living. He's talked about surrendering but he told him not to, not yet.

"Please let it be soon though. I'm getting tired of being used," Taeyong whispered to himself before taking another breath of smoke.

He flicked the cigarette butt off the balcony and walked back inside. He slid some socks on and walked to the bedroom door. He slipped out of it and walked down the staircase. He was walking aimlessly because he didn't know where to go. He turned a corner and ran into somebody.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" A familiar voice called out from the dark hallway.

A click and then the hall filled with warm light. Kun was standing there, pulling his hand away from the table lamp.

"I guess I should be but I can't fall back asleep," Taeyong admitted sheepishly.

"What are you doing out this way though?" Kun asked, folding his arms.

"Was hoping to find alcohol or something," Taeyong grumbled, a little upset now.

Kun sighed and started walking down the hallway. Taeyong watched him for a moment before he turned around.

"Are you coming or not?" Kun asked, turning back around.

They entered through double doors to the back of the kitchen. Kun had explained to him that Doyoung was asleep at this time so no one in the kitchen was awake. He started looking through one of the bigger fridges.

"What kind of alcohol are you looking for?" Kun asked, kneeling on the floor to look at the bottom of the fridge.

"Something heavy," Taeyong crossed his arms, leaning against the wall.

"Here," Kun handed him a few bottles.

Taeyong carried them to a table. Kun handed him a couple more things and took out two glasses.

"Put them in this and follow me," Kun handed him a cooler bag.

Taeyong followed him to another set of doors at the back of the kitchen. They climbed the declining staircase. The hallway was long with lots of wooden doors. Kun walked to the second door and unlocked it, flicking on the light. It revealed a small round table and a bar area. This hallway was a wine cellular.

Kun pulled out a chair for Taeyong to sit in. He eyed the wine selection before taking down 2 bottles. He also grabbed a bucket full of ice from under the counter. He took a seat next to Taeyong and grabbed their glasses.

He filled his own with two ice cubes and whiskey. Taeyong followed suit but only used one ice cube. They cheersed and drank. They drank the whole bottle before moving on to rum. Taeyong felt a little dizzy and asked to switch to the wine for a little bit.

"So how are you liking it here?" Kun asked, accidentally spilling some of the wine on the table.

"It's not bad but... it does get pretty mundane. Not much for me to do here," Taeyong said, running his middle finger along the rim of his glass.

"What you need is a job or something. Like Jaehyun's right hand man." Kun giggled a little.

"I doubt he'd let me even see what he does for a living," Taeyong pouted.

"That's true. Give him time and he might come around," Kun took a sip of his wine.

"I do miss dancing though. Do you ever miss anything from before," Taeyong watched Kun stop drinking when he asked that question.

He slowly put the drink back down on the table. He bit his lip in thought. He wasn't sure what to even say.

"Actually, I never really had anything beforehand. I was orphaned when I was 5. Drugs. Jaehyun's dad was the one to take me in. Raised us together, we are like family. So what I have now is all I've got," Kun said, his eyes turning red from holding in tears.

Taeyong stopped playing with his glass and leaned over his chair to hug Kun. That was a breaking point for Kun. He started to sob into Taryong's shoulder, gripping the back of his hoodie. He hadn't felt this comfort since the day Jaehyun's father passed. Kun petted the back of Kun's head.

After the breakdown, they drank until there were only drops of each bottle left. They shared stories from their childhood. They laughed and cried. At one point, Taeyong had to hold a trash bin because Kun felt like he was going to barf.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Taeyong asked, playing with his glass again.

"Go ahead," Kun said, leaning back in his seat.

"The first person I ever killed was my dad," Taeyong said, staring at his empty glass.

"Why?" Kun had his full attention on him now, a little worried.

"Let's just say that I was tired of him using me like a rag doll," Taeyong smiled, remembering his dad's body laying across their moldy apartment floor. He laughed when he remembered how a rat came up and sniffed at the carcass' face.

"Did you kill anyone else after that?" Kun asked.

"There were five after that. People I knew were horrible inside and out. The last person I killed was about a year or two ago. A man who had wronged me too far," Taeyong turned his attention to Kun and smiled at him.

"I think it's time for us to go back up. You should try to sleep," Kun said, putting the ice bucket back.

He put the glasses in the sink for later cleaning and headed towards the door. Before he could twist the handle and open the door, glass shattered against the wall. Kun turned and saw Taeyong standing behind the bar.

"Promise me you won't say anything to him yet," Taeyong stared at him with a deadly gaze.

Kun stood there, frozen. He didn't know how to react to this side of Taeyong. He was actually a little scared of him.

"Please?" Taeyong's face turned soft and looked like he was about to cry.

"I promise. Now let's get you to be," Kun walked over to him, wrapping his arm around Taeyong's shoulder.

They walked back up the stairs and Kun left him in front of his bedroom door. Taeyong creeped into the room and quietly got back under the covers. The numb feeling returned to him as his eyes fell shut.

-
my boyfriend bought me roses today :')