Uplifted by you

13

Now

"I felt myself getting comfortable the very first time I went out with him, he made me laugh. I never thought I could feel that way with someone I just met, not feeling so uptight. We went from lunch date to exchanging of contacts. He would call just to see how I was doing. I find myself wishing he would call again because I couldn't bring myself to do it. And just like we became good friends"

"You didn't meet with him again after the lunch you both had?" Today's session was centered on Natalie asking me how I met Christian and what it was like for me. Wanting to know how that had shaped my journey.

"He did ask us to hangout after that time but I turned him down, giving excuses."

"Why is that? Isn't it obvious you wanted to?"

I sighed and lay down on her couch placing my palms on my stomach "Though it felt nice talking with him over the phone. However, I wasn't ready for that level of friendship where we get to see each other from time to time. I was afraid. I was just not ready for that" I fixated on a spot on the ceiling "He tried to get me to see him, insisted he came over and we can hangout wherever and however I want. 'It's your call to make, Dora' He would say but I always had a way of switching the topic. That was our situation until he had to resume back to school. He got busy with school work I guess and our conversation dwindled. Though we still talked, it just wasn't what it used to be"

"How did that make you feel?"

"I missed him" I blurted out "Which was new to me. Before him, I was fine being by myself or I stayed that way until I believed it. I didn't really have friends. Aside my sister, there was my roommate, Stella that I hold long conversations with. Being around people was... hard. I don't think I actually had any male friend until him. Everything just flows right with him you know. He has a way of making me feel so many emotions. Comfortable being the most feeling until...you know"

"Until what?" I had a feeling she was just pretending to be oblivious. She just wants me to spill how I feel without holding back.

We talked some more until the session was over. Well it was more of me doing the talking and Natalie doing more of the questioning as always.

I stepped out of the building and for the first time in like what feels like forever, I didn't want to hurry home or the library. Christian wouldn't be home yet anyway. He had messaged me he would be home late today. A habit of his whenever he is swarmed with work at his office.

Where could I go?

I realized how much of an introvert I was or more like asocial. Probably that was too strong a word to describe myself still I couldn't think of a good place to go that I could say I stumble upon or spend time at having moved here with my husband after we got married.

Then, I remembered the community park close to my house. I see it each time I drove home but I never once took the liberty to go there and spend some time to just de-stress.

I arrived at the park, found myself a spot to park my car. As I stepped out, I closed my eyes and deeply breathe in air. I just relished the moment. The weather was perfect.

I located a bench, sat and all I did was watched my surroundings. The park was adorned with trees, grasses and from where I sat I could see a playground for kids. There was a swing, a slide and a fountain. People were going about the remnant of their day alone or with a friend or a loved one.

I could see a lady listening to music while bobbing her head along with it. There were individuals walking their dogs. Older couples just sitting and enjoying each others company. Some boys tossing a football around. The park was nicer than I thought it would be. There were the kids, laughing and feeling carefree. Kids. I sighed just as I heard my phone beeped.