The Deal (ON HOLD)

Chapter 18: In My Feelings

"How was last night?" Nzuri ask as I walk away from Axel's car.

"It was cool, we stayed up late watching movies and as you can see he dropped me off this morning."

"Are those his clothes?"

"Well, yeah. I took a shower last night after we got back and I didn't have anything to change into so he let me wear these."

"For someone who's not your boyfriend, you're doing a lot of boyfriend like activities with him."

"I can say the same about you," I give her a knowing look.

"Touché, bitch, touché."

The first bell rings and we say our goodbyes as we head to class. The rest of the school day is uneventful. I find myself constantly daydreaming about Axel and I realize that I miss him being around. I miss the simple things he does, like calling me his favorite girl or just him smiling at me. I am tempted to call him just to hear him but I decide against it.

The final bell rings, pulling me out of my thoughts. I grab my bag and leave the classroom. I walk out of the school to begin my short walk home. Before I can leave the parking lot, Nzuri pulls her car up next to me. I look at her and I can instantly tell that she has been crying.

"Aww, Zuzu," I hurriedly get into the passenger seat, "what's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it here," she looks at me as more tears fall down her face.

"Ok, let's go to my house and talk there."

Nzuri puts the car in drive and leaves the school parking lot. Within a few minuets we reach my house and get out of the car. I unlock the door and we enter the house going straight to my bedroom.

"Now, what's wrong?" I bring a box of Kleenex to her.

"Me and Javier had a terrible fight," she wipes her eye with the soft tissue.

"About what?"

"So during lunch we decided to go have some fun," she emphasizes the word fun, "so after we finish, he says 'when are we going to go on a real date and stop just fucking around'"

"Ok," I say, processing each word that passes her lips.

"So I said 'I didn't know that you wanted anything serious'.," she continues, "then he started to get upset and he said "I don't know what made you think that just fucking you was going to be enough for me, but it's not'."

"So I take it that you don't want anything serious with him?" I ask.

"No, all I want is to be in a serious relationship with him," she cries harder.

"So what's the issue?"

"How can I trust him after he slept with Suzie? And when we were arguing I asked him how he expected me to trust him and he said that he never slept with her. And when I asked him why he was always over her house late at night and always having secret conversations with her. He said he couldn't tell me why."

"Do you believe him?"

"I wish I could, but when I gave him the benefit of the doubt and asked him about it and he couldn't explain himself," she stops to take a deep breath, "it caused my doubt to grow. After he couldn't explain, I got mad and told him that he was a piece of shit and I couldn't trust him. I could see the little hope he had left for us crumble as I said that and in the calmest voice that I have ever heard him use, he told me to stay away from him and that he wanted nothing to do with me. He said he couldn't deal with only getting a piece of me, he wanted all of me or none of me. And I just left. I left the man I love, no, the man that I am in love with, again," she instantly sobs as the last few words leave her mouth.

Instead of saying words, I get behind her and pull her into a hug and I let her get out all of her heartbreak. We sit like this until the work up from crying so much causes her to pass out. As I sit there and watch my heartbroken best friend sleep, I decide to do something I never thought I would.

"Hey," I feel someone shaking me awake.

I slowly open my eyes and realize that I feel asleep while I was comforting Nuzuri.

"I'm going to go home, but I'll call you later. I just want to be alone right now," she says.

"Ok, I'll walk you out," I rub the sleep out of my eyes.

"I just want to thank you for letting me cry in your arms," she says as we reach the front door.

"You do not ever have to thank me for doing that, you're my best friend. I'm going to be here for you any time that you need me to be. If you want me to go help you burn down some shit, then bitch, I got the matches. No matter what you need, I will be there for you. I love you."

"I love you," she pulls me into a tight hug, "I'll call you later."

"Text me when you make it home," I call out as she opens her car door.

I watch as she slowly backs out of my driveway and down my street, out of my view. As soon as she is gone, I go to my room and change into sweatpants and a hoodie. I slid my feet into my favorite slides and grab my phone and keys before I head out the door. I make the small walk to the bus stop across the street from my house and wait for the bus to come. I walk to the back of the bus as Nuzuri's "home" text comes through. I ride the bus passing familiar streets along the way. My bus finally comes to my stop and my nerves start to take over, but I push them down, because I know I must do this.

I get off of the bus and walk towards my destination. It is only a block away from my stop, but it feels like a lifetime. My steps seem to get heavier with each step as I finally reach the small two story house. I recognize the midnight blue car in the driveway and I know the person I need to see is there. I walk up the small porch steps and wring the doorbell- no turning back now - I think to myself.

"What do you want?" a voice says as the door slightly opens.

"We need to talk, Suzie."