The Deal (ON HOLD)

Chapter 20: Not You Too

As I ride the bus home, I sit and think about everything that Suzie had told me. As I am lost in my thoughts, my phone begins to ring, signaling an incoming facetime. I look and see that it is Nzuri calling me like she promised.

"Hello," I answer the phone.

"Hey," she hoarsely says, "are you on the bus?"

"Yeah."

"Did you go to visit Melody?"

"No," I say as the bus rounds the corner to my street.

"Then where were you? I know it wasn't Axel's house because he would have dropped you off."

"I'll tell you when I get inside the house," I say as I pull the yellow string.

Shortly after, the bus slows to a stop on the corner right by my house. I thank the bus driver and walk to my house. I unlock the door, taking note of the darkness and knowing my mom must have worked a double again today.

"Ok, your home, so tell me where you were," Nzuri's voice comes through the phone.

"Give me a second," I say as I lock the front door.

I walk to the living room and turn on the light. I sit down on the couch and take a deep breathe before I tell Nzuri of my previous whereabouts.

"I was at Suzie's."

The silence that fills the space is deafening and I know that she is slowly processing my words. After what seems like hours, but is really only a few seconds, Nzuri finally speaks.

"You were where? I don't think I heard you correctly."

"I was at Suzie's house," I repeat my prior statement.

"And why the fuck were you there?"

"I went over there to talk to her."

"About what?" I can hear the irritation in her voice.

"About her and Javier."

"Why would you do that?"

"For you," I tell her, "I am so tired of seeing you hurting and I just had to ask Suzie what happened between them since Javier wont tell you."

"Ok, so I take it you found out what happened between them."

"I did."

"Ok, so what happened?"

I take a deep breathe, knowing that what I am about to say, Nzuri is not going to like it, "I can't tell you."

"Hold on, I don't think I heard you right," i hear her shuffle as if she's sitting up.

"I can't tell you," I repeat.

"And why the fuck not?"

"Because it's not my story to tell."

"I'm so sick of that bullshit ass excuse."

"Its not a bullshit excuse, it's the truth. What Suzie told me is for her to share, not me or anyone else."

"Then what was the fucking point of going over there?" the irritation in her voice is heard loud and clear.

"I went with the intention of helping your ass, but I din't know what she was going to tell me was going to be so personal."

"Well then you shouldn't have went over there at all," Nzuri says, "because from my point of view, it looks like Suzie done buttered yo ass up and done got you turning on me."

"Ain't nobody turning on you," my voice raises slightly, "I can't tell you what she told me but you can go ask her just as easily as  I did."

"I don't understand why you and Javi won't fucking tell me. You both know that this 'secret', or whatever the fuck it is, is hurting me and neither of you are doing the thing that will stop me from hurting."

"Nzuri, grow the fuck up," my irritation finally comes out full force, "if you want to know then you're going to have to talk to Suzie, which is something I been suggested that you do."

"Grow up?" Nzuri pauses, "you know what Harmony, fuck you!"

"Fuck me? Girl fuck you. Like I said grow the fuck up and talk to Suzie because at this point you're the reason why you're hurting. If you want to know, you'll talk to Suzie, if not, then that's your fault. Now you can call me later when your emotions are in control because you're not going to sit here and keep getting an attitude with me when all I've done is help you out."

With those final words, I hang up the phone. Hot tears begin to fall down my cheek and I wipe them away with a tissue from the table. Anytime that Nzuri and I have an argument, we both always end up in tears. I honestly get her frustration and anger but if she knew what Suzie told me she would understand why I couldn't tell her. I lay down on the couch and let the tears fall off of my face and onto a small pillow. I cry not only for the argument that I had with Nzuri, but I also cry for Suzie. I cry for the young Suzie who got her innocence taken away from her before she even knew what was happening. I cry for the Suzie who friends left her when she needed them most. I cry for the Suzie that lost another piece of herself as she had to relive her rape so many years later. I cry for the broken Suzie who saw that the only way away from the pain was to end it all. I stay on the couch crying until I run out of tears and my head and throat begin to ache. The emotional roller coaster that I have been through today causes me to fall into a deep, sad sleep.

I wake up hours later to someone shaking me awake. Before opening my eyes, I know its my mom. The familiar scent of her body wash wafts into my nostrils. I slowly blink my eyes open and see my mom's face right next to mine.

"Baby," she softly says, "what's wrong?"

"I," my voice comes out hoarse, "don't want to talk about it right now."

"Ok, you don't have too, but you do need to go get in your bed."

"Can I sleep in yours with you?" my throat hurts the more I talk.

"Of course, baby."

I slowly get off of the couch and follow my mom to her room. I get into the bed beside her and instantly feel a sense of security wash over me. I once again fall into a deep slumber, but this time under slightly happier conditions.