The Deal (ON HOLD)

Chapter 19: No Long Talk

"And what exactly do we need to talk about?" she crosses her arms.

"Listen, I would rather talk about it than talk about talking about it."

"Fine, you have five minuets," she steps out onto the porch and takes a seat on the top step.

I take a seat beside her, nervously wiping my hands on my pants as I do. I know that what I am about to ask is about to cause some wounds to open and I am not ready for that.

"What happened with you and Javier?" I blurt out.

"I think you're a year too late to be asking me that question," she scoffs, "plus, you already made up your mind about it anyways."

"I know you don't owe me an explanation, but my best friend is in pain right now because of whatever went down with you and Javier."

"This is typical Harmony behavior," she shakes her head.

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you're a shitty friend to anyone who isn't Nzuri," she rolls her eyes.

"When was I ever a shitty friend to you?"

"Trust me, if I told you we would be here all day."

"Ok, give me a few examples."

"You both had this habit of excluding me from things," she shakes her head, "I would be at home free and I would text y'all and you two would already be together. And I was fine with it being a few times but after awhile it began to seem like every time I turned around you two were hanging out and I wasn't invited. I began to feel left out."

"I didn't know you felt that way," I say reflecting on our past friendship, "I'm sorry for making you feel excluded."

"You two also had the habit of ganging up on me," she continues, "if I was ever in an argument or disagreement with either of you the other would jump in."

"I'm sorry for making you feel that way. I guess I never took the time to consider how what we were doing was affecting you."

"Of course you didn't, I wasn't your best friend," she rolls her eyes, "even after all that, the worst thing you two ever did to me was not give me the benefit of the doubt. That showed that neither of you trusted me and there was no coming back from that."

"What are you talking about?"

"Javier and I never slept together. Someone just started that rumor. And instead of asking me about it you and Nzuri both believed it."

I sat there, going through memories from our friendship and I realize that everything Suzie is saying is true. I never realized while it was happening, but now that I am looking at it from her perspective, I know that Nzuri and I were never true friends with her.

"Listen, I'm going to tell you what happened between Javi and I, but not for you or Nzuri," she looks me straight in the eyes, "I'm doing this for him. I hate to see him in pain and I know that telling you this will help him."

Suzie turns her head and looks straight ahead. She takes a deep breath and I can feel her body quiver just slightly.

"One day, when my mom was working a double," she begins, "I was looking for something that's so insignificant now, I can't even remember what it was. I looked all over the house and finally decided to search the attic. When I got up there I found this box," she stops to take a breath.

For a few minutes, silence fills the space between us as she struggles to tell her story. She finally gains some more strength and continues.

"I looked through the box and a divorce settlement caught my eye. It was weird because my mom never told me that she was married. I always knew that I was a product of an affair and that my dad signed away his rights, so I was shocked when I saw the papers. Curiosity got the best of me and I decided to look the other person's name up. What a big mistake that was," I see her wipe her face as silent tears fall down her face. "The first headline I got from searching his name was 'Local man, convicted of raping his stepdaughter'," she breaks out into a sob.

Hearing this revaluation causes me to instantly feel sorrow for the poor girl from the past and for the young woman in front of me. Regardless if she wants it or not, I pull her into my arms hoping to help ease some of her pain. Surprisingly, she allows me to hold her as she cries. Her cries becoming hushed, as her tears rapidly fall from her eyes.

"The day I found out," she speaks after a few minutes, "it wrecked me. When my mom came home that night, I asked her about it and she told me everything. She said she didn't tell me because she didn't want to cause me more pain then I had been in. Unfortunately, her doing this had the opposite affect and I became very depressed. One night when she was at work, I decided to end my pain the only way I thought I could. I took a whole bottle of pills and laid in bed as the darkness welcomed me with open arms. Javi was the one who found me. My mom asked him to check on me and when he did, I was passed out form the pills," she pauses, reliving the moment.

"After that," she continues, "my mom and Javi made sure that I was never alone, even when I didn't want to talk, they just kept an eye on me. My mom would be there for me during the day and Javi would be there for me at night. I don't know who started the rumor about us but I honestly didn't care because I was dealing with more important shit; hell I still am. I guess they assumed that since he and I had gotten so close so soon that me had to be sleeping together. But in actuality, he was just helping to keep me alive. Javi saved me and I'm beyond grateful for him. No matter what happens, he will always be an important part of my life and my friend."

I sit there and process all the information that has been bestowed upon me in the last few minutes. From the way Nzuri and I treated her, to hearing about her suicide attempt, I feel a pull at my heart. It causes me to hug her tighter in my arms hoping that they convey my feelings.

"I am so sorry for being a terrible friend, I'm sorry for not listening to you, but mostly I'm sorry for not being there for you when you needed me the most. I know that 'sorry' doesn't change anything and if I could go back in time I would. How Nzuri and I treated you was wrong and we were dead wrong for not being there for you in your time of need," I say.

She lifts her head up and pulls away from my arms, "thank you for not invalidating my feelings and actually listening to everything I had to say. I only wish we would have reached this point sooner."

Suzie stands up and I follow suit. She walks to her door as I walk off of the steps. We both turn to face each other one last time. We share a smile, saying everything that we aren't and go our separate ways.