bits and pieces

ii - °Where the Lines Overlap°

"Jinnie, why don't you just talk to him?" Suggest Chan, staring at him with concern and something more stupid like a pity, and he hates it.

"No." He said sternly, stabbing the meat on his plate with his fork a little too harshly.

"Why not? You've been staring at him the whole time, and you've been murdering that poor meat while you were staring at him the whole time too."

He froze, a little startled about his hyung's accurate observation. He was, indeed staring at Felix since they got into the school cafeteria a little over 30 minutes ago.

He tries to look away every time he catches himself staring but it's like he was getting pulled by an unknown force and he just needed to see Felix. He admits he missed him so much. He's like an alcoholic that needs to get drunk in the sight of him so he can go on with his life. It's unhealthy and he wants to die.

Not that he's counting, but it's been 1 month, 1 week, 3 days and 14 hours since he sent him home that unforgiving night, and they haven't really talked since then.

Hyunjin's stupid ass made sure to avoid Felix at all times as discreetly and subtle as possible, since he knows how sensitive Felix can be, and he'd definitely cry if he knew Hyunjin was avoiding him, so he made sure to do it in the most natural way possible. That being his art.

He lives off and pays the rent from selling his paintings and making commissions, sometimes, doing other people's portraits, and he really just does it for fun and extra money before but he couldn't be more thankful now that he could also use it to dodge Felix and a possible torturously awkward situation.

The little one has been trying to reach out to him, asking him to go for a coffee or just hangout in his apartment but he always declines, saying he needs to finish some bullshit piece when all he ever really wanted to do is lie down on his couch with Felix in his arm while they watch a sappy movie with pillows and blankets all around them and maybe kiss from time to time until it escalates into something more, eventually forgetting about the movie that was playing and let the sound of skin slapping and obscene noises swallow them whole.

But he couldn't now, could he? Even though Felix made sure that nothing would change between them even if things got serious between him and the new guy, he just couldn't help but think that it was wrong. Sure, he doesn't care about the other guy, but there's this bug that keeps on flying on his ears, and it's telling him he shouldn't do it. He just can't share Felix. He can't go around doing things with the younger one knowing he belongs to someone else at the end of the day, and Hyunjin... He's just an extra. An unneeded character in Felix's book and he needs to break it off.

He doesn't want to be a side character.

He wants Felix for himself.

Something that will never happen.

"I'll leave first." He stated a little too bitter than he intended to. And maybe he slammed the utensil on the table a little too hard when he saw the new guy snake a hand in Felix's waist, causing people to turn their heads towards him.

"Woah, chill." Said his hyung.

"Whatever." He muttered nonchalantly, scooping his bag over his shoulders, ready to plight.

"Hyunnie?"

He mentally slapped himself when he heard that very familiar baritone voice coming from behind him as he had already stood up from his seat in the direction of the door.

"...Felix" He forced out a grin as he turned around to face the little one who was happily staring at him with those doe eyes and sunshine smile -scrunched up nose and pearly white teeth on full display, making him dizzy with longing.

"Why didn't you tell me you're having lunch here? We could've shared a table since it's been a long time, you know? I've missed you."

Hyunjin felt a pang of pain shot through his heart with Felix's sweet but insignificant declaration.

"I'm sorry, Lix. I just got dragged here by Chan-hyung. I didn't even know you're here." He said truthfully, because if he only knew Felix was there, he would've just gone to the café off campus, no matter how much of a hassle it was. "And I'm about to go anyway since I still have things to do."

"Let me guess, another commission?" Asked Felix, a little sad. His doe eyes dying down, shoulders slumping in utter disappointment, and Hyunjin needed to look away before he does something stupid like hug and kiss Felix to soothe his sulkiness.

"Lixie, I'm-"

"Felix, can we go to the library now? I only have 30 minutes before my lecture." The other guy Felix was with suddenly appeared like a fucking toxic mushroom that does nothing but make his stomach churn with bitterness and grave distaste.

His hands curled into a fist, knuckles turning white as he sighed to calm himself down.

"I'm sorry, Minnie, but could you go ahead first?" Felix replied reluctantly, looking at Hyunjin as if to tell him not to go yet. But he's Hyunjin and he's stupid and all he can do is runaway -so runaway, he did.

"It's okay, Felix. I still need to finish some papers, before this evening anyway. I'll go ahead first." He says, reaching out a hand to give Felix a gentle tap on the head but changing his mind midway, taking his hand back to his side.

"But Hyunnie," the other lightly whined, earning a low chuckle from Hyunjin.

"It's okay." He smiled -this time more genuine. "I really need to leave now, but I'll catch you up later, yeah?" He promised.

Surely it won't be too hard. A few hours with Felix shouldn't be too hard. They've done it many times before outside of sex, and there shouldn't be much of a difference even if he had feelings for him now. He just needs to hold out until the day ends.

"Really? You promise?" The younger asks, holding his pinky out in front of Hyunjin like a kid with huge trust issues, eyes sparkling with hope, making him chuckle once more -very much endeared.

"Yeah." He extended his own finger to lock it with Felix's small ones. "Promise."

Felix beamed once again, nose crinkling with delight. "Okay, bye bye! Call me soon, alright?"

Hyunjin hummed, watching as Felix almost jumped in excitement before he bid them goodbye with the other guy and disappeared from their sight.

"You're an idiot." Said Chan, who witnessed the whole exchange with great interest. "You're damned, bro." He adds, making Hyunjin sigh, knowing perfectly well what Chan's saying was true.

He's indeed, done for.