Moving Mountains (Patrick Kane)

What If's .3

Valerie

I think the "what ifs" in the world are the scariest thing out there. Those hypothetical situations where if we changed one little thing we could change everything. What if we never had war? What if every child was born in love? What if everyone actually gave a damn about each other?

In the end it's better not to think about the "what ifs". About the trivial futures we make up in our mind. In the end we're setting up ourselves for failure. Believing things are the way they aren't simply because we wish them to be.

But it's not bad to dream, you know? To want better for people. To want to help. Change is hard but it isn't impossible. Little by little we can all make a difference until there is a real change. Should we have the courage to do so.

"Val! Oh Val look" a little voice calls out and I smile. I bend down to see eye to eye with my favorite four year old.

"What do you have here" I ask.

"I have a hockey action figure" he says handing it to me.

"That is so cool! Is it-" I stop. I see familiar blue eyes and curly blonde hair. My heart starts to beat faster like it does around him as the dots start to connect. "Liam who is this" I ask.

"Patrick Kane! He is the best hockey player ever! He won the Stanley cup three times and he scored more points than anyone last season. He's the best" he tells me.

"Oh" I gasp as I look as the figure.

"Do you like hockey" he wonders.

"Never watched it" I whisper.

The truth is I don't know much of anything. You know how people shelter their kids? I did that to myself, I kicked everything out. Pushed everything away so I would never know the pain of losing. Not again.

And now I'm here thinking about a man that I had no business thinking about. His words resonate with me but I won't let them in close enough to touch me. And I feel even more lonely knowing that it was all a big "what if".

"Will you play hockey with me Val" he asks and I smile.

"Of course kiddo" I nod.

Once his parents come back and I go back to my apartment. I watch over the kids around here every once in a while. People come and go but I've been here for over a decade now. Stuck in the same place I've always been.

I start on dinner as the silence fills my apartment. No music, no colors, no pictures or paintings. There just is, and that's all there has ever been. No pictures of me smiling even though I have nothing to smile about. No music singing tales of pain that shouldn't be shared. No paintings of perfect fields and flowers.

Everything I have, just is.

I get broken out of the silence when my phone rings on the counter next to me. I see it was the restaurant I work at and let out a sigh. Should have known it was too peaceful.

"Hello" I answer.

"Hey Val! I'm so sorry to call you on your day off but a server just went home sick. Is there any way you can help us out" my boss asks.

Typical.

"Give me thirty minutes and I'll be there" I sigh.

"God you're a life saver" he insists.

A bit dramatic but okay.

I get changed and start my walk. I don't have a car, or any drivers license at that. And even though I needed some rest since I had already been working for nine days straight, what's a tenth day gonna do?