Moving Mountains (Patrick Kane)

Family affairs .30

Patrick

For todays little excursion I decide to take Valerie out for lunch. She only had 30 minutes so it didn't leave me a lot of time. I had a nice lunch planned though. Her favorite food was pasta and luckily I was supposed to eat a lot of that. So I got us reservations in this nice restaurant and hopefully I don't make her late in the way back to work.

"You really didn't have to do all of this" she insists as we walk side by side on the sidewalk.

"Come on. You're a great person and deserve to get treated nice" I insist.

We stroll right along and talk for a while before turning the corner. No one was on the street except for one other person. We walk towards him and he doesn't move out of the way. He stands there just staring straight ahead.

At first I thought it was the guy she stopped from mugging the lady and he was here to repay the favor. But as we got closer I realized he was smaller and older.

We get but a few feet in front of him before having to stop. Suddenly the air gets thick and the skies darken. Something was happening and I didn't like it.

"Dad" Valerie asks.

It was in that moment that time got frozen. It feels like the world stops spinning as the two look through each other.

"Hi sweetie" the man says.

Valerie doesn't respond, she doesn't move a muscle. I couldn't even tell if she was breathing at this point. I've never seen her so scared in my life, and I hate it. I absolutely hated it. But I was frozen too, not sure what to say or do.

"How did you find me" she whispers.

"My son, Keith. He came home the other day and said he met a nice woman outside of my old house. She was dressed in all black but looked and talked like a angel. Before he even said your name I knew it was you. It took some digging into your grandmas old friends and landlords but I found your name in the Chicago area and found out where you work.

When Keith told me it was you I didn't know what to do. But then he told me how what you told him changed his life and I knew I had to see you. He said he was going to change his life around and he was going to do it with or without me. That coldness, the pure determination. That was all you. And I thought I failed up until that moment. Then I realized that there was still hope for him, only it wouldn't have come from me. It was you" he explains.

I turn to Valerie who looked broken. Hurt. But I was more confused because I thought if something as big as that had happened, she would have told me. Mentioned it at the least. But she kept me in the dark, pushed me away and thought she had to do this all on her own. She wasn't alone anymore. She had me and she will always have me. And she couldn't even tell me.

"What did you hope to accomplish in showing up? You want forgiveness? Closure? Money" she asks her dad.

She might be small and soft spoken, but she was scary as hell right now. I would hate to be her dad.

"I wanted to see you again" he tries.

"You thought that if you saw that I was okay then what you did was excusable? All you want is to feel better about yourself.

But if we're being completely honest you ruined my life. My mom died, and where were you? I was a child, I needed you. You can look at me now and say I'm fine without you, but when did anyone make it far in life by being just fine?

I struggled so bad in school because I was the kid shipped off to her grandmothers. The forgotten kid. The unloved one. And I believed every word they said to me because you weren't there to tell me any different. And I hated how bad I wanted to see you again. For you to tuck me in and tell me to have sweet dreams. But I woke up every morning in a nightmare. Hoping my elderly grandma doesn't pass and I would be left alone.

Then she did and I had no one. Not a soul to care for me. And you were out there somewhere, you knew what happened and you didn't reach out. Didn't visit her or moms grave. I don't even believe you thought about me since the day you left. You meant the world to me and I meant nothing to you.

So sorry if I don't believe what you say here today. Because from what your son told me you haven't changed a bit. The moment something gets hard you give up. That's no way to raise a kid. Then again you wouldn't know what it takes anyway" she spits.

Keith stands there completely still as his daughters words pierce through his skin like a hot knife. He takes it as she throws blow after blow. You could tell she needed to get that out. That she had been holding that in since the day he left her. And it all came down on him like a landslide.

"I'm sorry-" he starts.

"No... Keith I don't want to hear it. In fact I never want to hear from you again. I feel bad for the kid, having to go to our old house to feel what it might be like to have a dad present in his life. Having to make believe that you're there. If you're going to apologize to anyone let it be him. Maybe that relationship is still savable. But I don't want you in my life. Not as my dad and not as a friend. You are everything I am trying not to be.

I hate you" she sniffles.

In that moment my heart broke. I know how much she wanted to see him again but I don't think she took into account what her feelings might be if that did happen. They were stronger than she was prepared for. And he wasn't who she wanted him to be. It was hard for her to actually see him again and feel such hatred in her heart.

"I love you still" he says.

"I'm glad you still have that in you. But it doesn't change anything. My heart is heavy, filled with the burdens you put upon me the moment you left without even saying goodbye. And I have been trying to pick it up my whole life and I can't. I'm not strong enough. I'm afraid I will never be strong enough to pick it up again. No one will.

So pick up your sorry ass apology and take it home. Because we both know I haven't been home for you in decades" she claims.

Keith wipes a tear from his eyes before turning around. Ever so slowly he walks away and out of sight. I feel like if he didn't blind side her, if he didn't just show up out of the blue maybe this would have been a little different. She would have time to think instead of acting on emotions. But there's no coming back from that.

Both Valerie and I stand there unable to move. We didn't know what to say, what to do next. I had so many questions starting with why didn't she tell me?

"Val" I start.

"Please... chose your next words wisely" she warns with a shaky voice.

"Why didn't you tell me you met your half brother? I could tell something was off and I didn't want to push it. But you could have told me" I try.

"Patrick you were away for a week. I didn't even know you were back until you called me up a few days later. So I went to the one place I felt like I should be and I found him. I didn't know how to bring it up, and I didn't know what I was feeling. So I bottled it up and I took it out on him. That's wrong.

But I'm not obligated to tell you my family dealings" she reminds me.

"I know. I just thought we were close enough to share these things. I thought..." I trail off.

She finally looks up at me and she looked broken. Beyond broken. The last thing we needed was to argue right now. My feelings aside she needed help and I was here.

"Never mind.

Why don't we take the rest of the day off? We can pick up our lunch and find someplace quiet to eat. We don't even have to talk, not until you're ready. And when you are, I'll be there" I promise.

"Okay" she says with a sad smile.