Moving Mountains (Patrick Kane)

Looking Forward .39

Valerie

To say I've been on a date before would be a lie, and I don't care for lying. What's the point when in the end the facts still stay the same? If you lie about cheating it doesn't make you any less of a cheater. If you lie about your feelings it doesn't make it hurt any less. So what's the point when in the end, you're still exactly what you are no matter how much you lie.

So I try my best not to lie, to live as my true self even though I don't really know who that is, and I might never figure it out. We as humans are forever changing, each day we are being remolded from experiences of the days past, and in preparation of days future. But it would be a lie if I said I ever saw myself in this position. Preparing for a date and all.

After looking through my closet full of black clothing I decide on black jeans and a black off the shoulders top. Not like I had much of a choice anyway. I pull out the only pair of heels I owned and adjust the necklace Patrick gave me. I tried taking it off thinking it would make me miss him less but then I was missing a reminder of the two people in this world I never wanted to live without.

After staring at myself in the mirror for a impossibly long amount of time trying to figure out if this is such a good idea there was a knock on my door breaking me out of that trance before I can spiral. I let out a long sigh before turning the lights off in the bathroom.

I get to the front door ready to head into the city for the night. But Patrick stands in the doorway with a dozen black roses. He had on white slacks and a black top and looked really sharp. The ring I got him on his finger.

He slowly drops the flowers from in front of his face. His eyes piercing me as he looks me over. This is definitely something I don't wear day to day, but I have the heels from job interviews and the nice top from training at a nice department store I worked at for a hot second. It's nothing like I would usually wear. So Patrick takes his time admiring the chance of scenery.

"Val, you look absolutely stunning" she says barley above a whisper.

"Well if you said it then it must be true" I tease.

"Here. I had to run all over town for these flowers and when I finally found them the girl who sold them told me it was weird to be going to a funeral this late on a Wednesday night. Unfortunately not the weirdest thing to happen to me in this city" he admits as he hands time the flowers.

"Well you did amazing. These look incredible" I say taking the flowers from him.

"They have nothing on you" he accuses making my cheeks flare up. This is going to be a long night.

Patrick worked really hard planning this date. He asked a million questions before eventually deciding to start the date off at a hibachi restaurant. I have never been but I love trying new foods and this time they make the food in front of you which was a wild concept to me. I couldn't have been more excited.

We get sat down and they get right to it. You can feel the flames on your skin fighting the cold that was just outside the windows.

"This is amazing" I gasp.

"It's pretty cool" he agrees.

"Have you been here before" I wonder.

"Not to this location specifically. I figured we can give this one a try together, then it would be special" he smiles.

"I like that" I nod.

Eventually the chef finishes and he leaves us alone. We fall into a discussion about the future and where we were planning to go from here. This relationship was far from normal, we knew that. But in order for us to work we need to know what to expect out of each other. And what needs to be hashed out now before we were too far in and nothing would give.

"Do you see us getting married? Having kids" I ask.

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't. As much as I try not to think about what I can't control, I know that I want a life with you. Whatever we decide that would mean" he insists.

"So you do want kids" I ask.

"I do. I know that's something we need to talk about before things get too serious. Though we're kinda already pass this point if you ask me. It's not make or break but I would like to have kids yeah" he admits.

"You want a son or a daughter" I wonder.

"A lot of people would think I would say boy. To have someone to continue my legacy, my name. To grow up and do what I did but better. But I don't want any of that from my kids. If he likes hockey that's fine, but just because it's something I love it doesn't mean it's something I will make him love. I would love a son but I fear what would be expected of him, or worse what he would expect from himself. The feeling of needing to be something he's not just because of who I am.

And a girl would be nice too. I grew up with three little sisters and I loved every minute of it. How to handle the best friends that turn on you and first heartbreak. All that good stuff. I honestly love the idea of being a girl dad.

But I don't want that without you. I know you're on the fence about kids, and family isn't a concept you're comfortable with. I get that. But anyone would be lucky enough to call you their own. I know" he smiles.

"I'm not against the idea. I think kids are wonderful and to have a motherly bond with someone would be the most incredible experience. I never imagined myself as a mother but I like the idea. I just want to make sure I am in a position to be a good mom is all" I defend.

"I get that. A kid is a big commitment and there's no one way to be a good parent. But I still think you would make one hell of a mother" he insists.

"I'm glad you think so. Life is hard enough as is. I've spent my whole life trying to figure out the way I'm perceived. What people make me out to be. Even if we can't change the way we see the world we can change the way the world sees us. Kids don't care about how much their parents make or their age. They love unconditionally and I think there's nothing wrong with wanting that along as those feelings are reciprocated" I shrug.

"I hope one day we can be a family, and you be happy with the decisions you made leading up to that" he says.

"I hope so too" I smile.