Moving Mountains (Patrick Kane)

Meant To Be .20

Valerie

This vacation has been nothing short of amazing. Now I've never been on a vacation before so I'm not going off of much. But I do know that this has been absolutely liberating, being so far away from everything I have ever known. The pain. The suffering. I was finally free.

And for the first time in my life... I wasn't alone.

This morning we decided to watch the sun rise from atop the mountains, which was my new favorite place to be. Patrick sits next to me as we relieve ourselves of hiking gear. We just wait for the sun to greet us this beautiful morning.

"Remember when we watched the sun rise together on skype" he asks me and I smile.

"Yeah. I never thought I would be here on a mountain watching the same sun rise with you in person. Hell, at that point I wasn't even driving and still worked at the restaurant. So much has changed" I realize.

"I don't think it's a bad thing. Look how far you've come. Thousands of miles actually" he teases.

"Don't go acting like you haven't changed too" I accuse.

"I'm sorry I don't know what you mean" he tries.

"Patrick you hadn't a original thought in your brain. You lived for others, by others, and you never lived for yourself. You felt bad when you want something personal, you thought you had to do everything simply for other people. For years you said yes never actually thinking about whether or not if it is something you truly wanted. Just wanted to satisfy everyone around you because you thought that is where your happiness came from.

I'm here to tell you that it's okay to be selfish sometimes. To want more, to want to be more even if it makes others uncomfortable. If you want to come out and watch the sunrise, even if no one else wanted to, you should do it. I would rather you stand tall, alone, than be brought to your knees to fit in with everyone else. There is no need to make your needs and wants small just so they fit the mold.

Dream big. And don't stop when people say enough is enough. Only you decide when that is. Make new dreams and do not stop until you reach them" I tell him.

He just smiles at me before reaching over. He softly grabs my hand before lacing his fingers through mine. Our hands then rest in his lap as his eyes stay locked with mine.

"You are... the best thing to ever happen to me. And I need you to know that. I know you wanted to be the person in peoples lives that could just walk away, but you being a part of my life has been one of the greatest blessings I know. From the first day I knew you were someone unlike anyone I know. And I couldn't figure out why. Why someone like you who so obviously knew more about life preferred to help from a distance than to make a scene or draw attention to herself. Who could change someone's life in a instance and then leave just as quickly as you went in. I couldn't figure you out.

You are a guardian angel. And I am so thankful that you let me in. Sure you pushed me away and you still hold me at arms length. But I'm close enough to feel the warmth of the sun you carry to shine light on everyone else. And I'm damn lucky to be here with you" he claims.

For a moment it felt like the sun was frozen. As it peaks over the mountains it gives us a few extra seconds to soak in these moments. A moment I never thought was possible because I never thought I could feel this way. Never thought someone would look at me and think these things. Let alone have a chance to tell me.

I squeeze his hand before turning back to the mountains. My head rests on his shoulder as we just sit in silence. Nothing but the birds chirping and a light breeze fill the air.

"Thank you" I whisper.

"I don't know if I like you being this nice to me" he claims as I start to giggle.

"It's a beautiful moment Patrick don't ruin it" I beg.

"Okay okay" he chuckled.

The sun finally makes it's full appearance and we decide to head back for some breakfast. So we stop at the store for some ingredients before I get started on the food while Patrick sits on the island. We just talk as we wait for all the food to get finished.

"You ever thought about getting married or having kids" he asks randomly.

"Marriage is a social construct made to make money off of feelings and I am way too afraid to ruin someone's life to have kids" I scoff.

"Why did I think you would answer normally" he shakes his head.

"What did you want me to say? That I dreamed of my bridesmaids wearing a dress in a color that I can't even spell or walking down the isle in a gown that costs more than a year worth of rent to a song used millions of millions of times before. Only to find out within a few months that marriage isn't what they tell you it is, it's something people do to show off to friends and family but isn't sustainable. Anniversary's slip by and all of the sudden it's more of a burden than a celebration. Almost half of marriages end in divorce so if you're happy together what's the need to get married" I ask.

"I mean I'm not arguing with you. The concept of marriage alludes me as well. But my grandparents stayed together until they passed and my parents have been together for decades. I don't see the point but maybe there is one" he shrugs.

"Why would you want to get married" I challenge.

"I don't know?? Since I'm in hockey people think I am rushed to marry, have a family. I'm in the minority here especially this far into my career. But I've seen people who I thought were meant for each other fall apart. Good people do bad things. Marriage and hockey is like water and oil sometimes.

But I think it's something that would mean a lot to me once I figure it out. For someone to share my last name, to be a part of something bigger than myself. That's pretty cool. The marriage isn't about me or my partner but us, and what we can do together. In reality not much changes in a relationship when those papers are signed. But if we look at the marriage less like a contract and more like a promise to try our best it seems a little less frightening" he explains.

"That's actually a good way to look at it. I feel like if people actually laid out the reasons they want to be with someone, and they're ethical reasons, the list is shorter than anyone realizes. It shouldn't take someone cheating or realizing they married for money to break someone up. They get in too deep before they realize that they never should have been together" I say.

"You think anyone would ever actually be meant for each other" he wonders.

"I do, actually. The heart breaks and the brain lies, but souls cannot be changed. And I believe that souls are meant for each other, some more compatible than others. But yeah, I would say so" I admit.

"Interesting" he smirks.

"Interesting how" I challenge.

"Just... interesting" he claims