CRAVING HARDEN

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we were still in search of Harden; at the same time, scared. I had been thinking about what tim meant when he had said " he could do something dangerous" and i was hoping it wasn't true because i couldn't even imagine what would happen. i was pulled out of my thoughts because Tim was bugging me to tell him what I had promised earlier.
"OK, OK just wait, i'll tell you. Let's just get home first" it was getting darker and i was starting to worry for Harden. i could guess Tim sensed the worry in my eyes. so he just told me to be calm.
   we pulled up Tim's jeep in front of my house, what i saw amazed me, more of like a shock, but....
the doors were opened down, I was so scared. The first thing that could come to my mind was a robbery
i thought someone had burgled their way into my house. Tim just advised me to stay calm.
"CALM, CALM!!" HOW??? Well sorry but that wasn't lily. i wasn't always the CALM one in terrific situations, like these, i wasn't prepared for this and that raised my fear rate to about 99.9 %.
'TRICIA' was the first thing that came to my mind, i had left her at home because obviously i didn't want to see her, not after what i had seen. i know she wasn't exactly the good type, but she was still my sister, and the thought of loosing her made me scared to death. I kept running up the stairs till i arrived at my destination . I couldn't believe my eyes- NO FUCKING WAY!!i was moving backwards due to shock as i almost slipped down the stairs, but Tim had caught me just in the nick of time. With what i saw, i would've preferred to be dead right now, than to have seen it. my sight got blurry all of a sudden, and finally it all went dark. The last thing i remember was Tricia's image, voice and  laughter , clothes on the floor scattered- her clothes!!! and lastly, his voice, teasing her: i knew it as giggles echoed through the whole corridor. I had thought he was different from other bad boys.. i had a feeling, but looks like i deceived myself again. IT WAS HIM-- HARDEN! and he was nothing like different.
Everywhere was still dark. I saw myself in an empty space, in a dark squared box- I was trapped. My eyes were still blurry as I struggled with life trying my best to open it, but it seemed like life itself wouldn’t bulge . was it trying to strangle me or what?....soon everywhere went dark again.

I opened my eyes hoping to behold sunshine; all were dreams. I was in this same dark and empty space. I didn’t know why it was happening or if it was adream which I really hoped it was: it wasn’t. I was struggling so hard. I decided to take a deep breath and when I reopened my eyes, I saw him! Was life really playing games with me? Now why was this bastard in front of me after all that he had done. I wanted him to GTFO of my head, but it seemed like that wasn’t happening any time soon. I couldn’t even think straight, talk less of speaking up. It was because of him all of this was happening. I just had a feeling, but before I could even get things straight, I think I saw a drop of tear fall from his eye down to the floor and that hit me hard even though right now it wasn’t supposed to. I wanted to ask what was wrong, and why I was in this state: every time I tried to stand, I’d fall back and he’ll take a step or steps away from me. That made me even more furious. I didn’t want him close to me, but that didn’t mean I wanted him further away from me like I was some virus or something.

    I finally gathered enough strength to ask him why all of this was happening; he didn’t reply. All he said were jut these three words

        “ I’m sorry Lily” I didn’t understand. He was apologizing?? What was even going on????!!!

         “ for?” I just asked in a confused state, but he didn’t answer me and this wasn’t the first time. All he said to me was just to keep fighting and he’ll be waiting. I have never been confused like this before. Wtf did he mean by “KEEP FIGHTING” ….fighting who??? and  “ he’ll be Waiting” …why??  All this didn’t make no sense to me. Harden had faded away, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what he had just said….. some flashes of images just started playing in my head, and I started recollecting everything, every fucking thing! How I had thought I was being robbed and now… wait! Was I dead??-- Ironic much.

         I was so scared and confused and in these kinds of situations, I just cry. I let my self get taken away by the world as I just let all my tears flow down my face. I thought of Tim and my tears poured more heavily. I was having a downpour. Where was Tim?? I remember I left him there running after me when I ran toward my house. I was thinking of what he had said, and I was going to keep fighting, not for Harden, but for myself. I was going to get to the conclusion of all this drama