Black Death And White Roses (1) Mafia Romance

46. Tick-tock

Roxana

There is indeed a clock museum in the middle of Zürich. The building is rather unspectacular, still, this day will remain engraved in my memory forever.

The way it all felt and sounded, such a monotonous sub-tune... tick-tock, and the things I felt even against my will.

I am looking at the watches and clocks and Marco is looking at me, once in a while brushing the back of his hand against mine. Not my boyfriend. Kary was right, I sure as hell act as if we are dating. The feelings still didn't change; I like it and I hate myself for it.

He is so calm and composed, always. That's nice. Even when he made Vitali kneel and beg. He made him indeed beg for my forgiveness. What an interesting life turn.

That is how I would like to see Ivan too and then I will pull the trigger. And after that... ? I could just turn the gun around and shoot once again, then everything would be over, the pain, the guilty, the hate and the longing. Longing for the life we could have had, Dani, dad, even me and Marco.

I know that he wouldn't have broken up with me over text. He acts like a guy that would at least have had the decency to call.

Tick-tock.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he asks brushing his face against mine and hugging me from behind looking at a grandfather clock. The guide is tellings stuff about it and I, I couldn't care less even if I like these things.

"Nothing. Just life and how it could have been, had we been different people."

"Hmm, it's only frustrating thinking about it, but look at it like this, if I would be someone else I couldn't really help with your stuff right now so there's a silver lining somewhere."

"But did you never wish to have been born a different person in a different, normal family? What would you have done if you would have?"

Even I can see the melancholy in his eyes.

"A lot of things, maybe travel more for pleasure, not business, have a better relationship with my family... Finally graduate..."

"Graduate? You studied? What did you study? And why didn't you graduate?"

He rolls his eyes slightly.

"Amazingly to you apparently, yes I did study, but my father died shortly before I could graduate and I never got to actually do that. I supposed I was a bit demotivated too since I knew I would never use it."

"Sorry," I say and kind of mean it. I lean into him just a bit because I feel bad I have been mean.

"So, what did you study and what would you do for a living if you had a choice?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"I want to imagine how our life would be in a parallel universe."

"Ok fine," he answers taking my hand so we can move a bit because we were staring far too long at a clock without seeing it.

Tick-tock.

"When I was really young I wanted to be a dancer or a gymnast like my mother."

I chuckle a bit.

"That is... "

"Gay?"

"No! And gay should stop being a pejorative term. Just... Unexpected."

"Well I was spending a lot of time with my mother and she was a balerina so obviously she danced a lot."

By the way his gaze lingers on a point on the wall I can guess that she died too.