𝐁𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐓 • 𝐄.𝐃

eleven

i was getting ready to go to my tattoo appointment but couldn't find my mascara. then i remembered that my mom likes to come in here and take my makeup sometimes.

i walked to the room her and my dad shared and went to her bathroom where i found my mascara sitting on the counter. i grabbed it and walked back into the room. as i was making my way out, i saw a piece of paper on their bedside table that was from the hospital.

letting my curiosity get the best of me, i opened it. big mistake. it was test results from tests my mom got the last time she had a doctors appointment. i continued reading and my breath hitched at a certain part.

we regret to inform you that after carefully looking over your MRI scan, we have located a brain tumor. it is too late in the process to completely remove it so we would like you to come back in to discuss other treatments.

a tear ran down my face as i folded the paper back up and placed it back where it was. it doesn't matter that i'm still pissed at my mom and haven't talked to her very much since the incident. she's still my mom, and my mom has cancer.

i left the house and got in my car, heading to the tattoo shop. i just have to hold myself together for the ten minutes i'll be here.

~

after my appointment, i drove to my spot on an overlook of the city. i usually come here to think about things whenever my life gets hard but i've been so busy recently that i haven't been here in a while. this seems like a good enough reason to be here.

i had been here for an hour now, the sun completely gone and the darkness taking over the sky and the city. my phone has been buzzing non-stop for the past 20 minutes but i can't seem to bring myself to answer it.

i looked up at the stars, admiring the twinkling dots in the sky. looking at the stars has always been comforting to me. they're so pretty and they light up as much as they can. my vision became blurry and my eyes welled up with tears knowing that sometime in the near future, i could be looking up at my mother in this same position.

after about 20 more minutes, i heard a car pull up. i wiped my tears away and looked in the direction of the car, recognizing ethan's truck as he got out of it.

he made eye contact with me and i could see a look of desperation which made me look away, feeling guilt fill my heart. it had just crossed my mind that i had come here without telling anybody and probably left them worried sick for the past hour.

"hey." ethan quietly said as he walked over to the rock i was sitting on.

"hi." i responded, fiddling with my fingers.

"we were all worried about you." he sighed as he stepped closer.

"i know. im so sorry. i realized i shouldn't have just disappear-" i was interrupted by ethan sitting down next to me and placing his hand on my back.

"kailyn it's okay. it's clear that you're hurting and it's okay for you to take some time to yourself. just next time be sure to send me or your dad a text." he rubbed my back a little before taking his hand away.

"how did you find me?" i gave him a confused look knowing i never told him about this place.

"well i called your dad when you weren't at the building to see if you were at home. he said you had a tattoo appointment and would probably go there after. after another twenty minutes you weren't there so i called your dad again to see if you were at home. he said you never came home and that's when we got worried. nobody had seen or heard from you and we had no clue where you were. but then your dad said that he remembered you use to always come here when you were going through something and sent me to check. so what's up? somethings obviously bothering you." he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he looked at me.

"my- um-....my mom has cancer..." i choked on the words, finally saying them out loud.

"wait what?" ethan furrowed his eyebrows and sat up straight. "what are you talking about?"

"i went to grab my mascara from her bathroom and when i was walking out, i saw a letter from the hospital on her nightstand. i was curious so i read it and it said they found a brain tumor in her MRI scan. they also said it's too big to completely remove. ethan my moms gonna die." the last sentence hit me hard and tears began falling again.

ethan pulled me into a hug and ran his hand up and down my arm to get me to calm down.

"how did you get through when you found out your dad had cancer?" i asked while still having my head resting on ethan's shoulder.

"it was hard to hear. it took a toll on me but i spent every minute i could with my dad knowing he wouldn't be around much longer. i wanted to leave him with happy memories of us. him passing was definitely the hardest moment of my life but i got through and you will to. you wanna know how i know that?" i lifted my head from his shoulder and looked him in the eyes.

"because i had a support system by my side through it all and you do too. you have me, grayson, your dad, ryleigh and lane, and everyone else in the group. i promise you will make do and fight through this because you are the strongest person i know." i gave him a weak smile and brought him back into a hug.

"thank you ethan." i said.

guilt filled me again when i remembered that he went through this exact moment with his dad and i wasn't there to support him, yet he's here showing support for me.

"i am so sorry that i wasn't there when you went through this with your dad. i was so caught up in hating you that i couldn't even support you through the hardest time of your life." tears brimmed my eyes again and i cursed myself for being so emotional.

"it's okay kailyn i promise. what matters is that you're by my side now and i'm going to stay by your side every step of the way and help you get through this. and hey you were supporting your father who had lost his best friend. that's all i could ask for." his comment made me smile as i wiped my tears away.

"now let's get you home. your father is probably still worried about you." he stood up and held his hand out for me to take which i gladly accepted.

i got into my car with ethan following behind me. he followed me home and came inside with me to confront my dad. my dad stood up from the couch the second he heard the door open and ran over to give me a hug.

"im so sorry dad." i started crying again. why the fuck am i so emotional today??

"it's okay sweetie. as long as you're okay im okay." he released from the hug and thanked ethan for finding me and bringing me home.

after ethan left, my dad sat me down to talk to me. he went to his room and came back with the letter from the hospital.

"is this what caused you to run away for a bit?" he said as he sat it on the coffee table.

i nodded my head and fiddled with my fingers to distract myself so i don't start crying again. he came over and sat next to me, pulling me into a hug.

"we're going to get through this. but for now, you and your mom need to clear the air between you two. she'll be back in the morning and i think it's best if you two talk." i nodded my head agreeing with him.

"yea i plan on it. but im gonna go to bed now. goodnight dad." i stood up from the couch, making my way to the stairs.

"goodnight sweetheart." was the last thing i heard before walking up the stairs.

i grabbed my phone and texted ethan.

me:
thank you for tonight. i don't know what i would've done without you.

ethan:
of course. i will always be here for you. text me if you need anything and i mean anything. goodnight kailyn

me:
goodnight ethan