ethans pov
i walked into second period knowing i have this class with kailyn and i was happy to see her, not that she knows that. i see a seating chart displayed on the board as its the first week of school and i walk up to it to see where i'm sitting. a smile forms on my face and the beat of my heart picks up when i see i'm next to kailyn and will be for the rest of the semester.
i weave through the desks to the back corner and patiently wait for kailyn to stroll through the door. finally a figure walks in the door and i look over to see kailyn walking in holding onto her backpack straps. we make eye contact for a split second then she turns away after a quick eye roll.
my eyes stay connected to her as she walks up to the board to see where she's sitting. i see her shoulders slump down in defeat as she sees where she's placed then turns around and makes her way to the desk to the right of me.
she completely ignores me as a smile stays on my face. she probably thinks im smiling because i get to antagonize her the whole semester but i'm just happy to be next to her everyday. she takes her backpack off, setting it next to her desk then slumps into her desk.
mrs. nelson stands up a couple minutes after the bell rings and walks to the front of the class. "good morning class! since it is still the first week of school, i want to get to know you a little more. there is an assignment on google classroom that you will be working on for the whole period and it's just answering questions about you and your goals and aspirations throughout the rest of your time in high school and afterwards. grab a computer and get to work."
everyone stands up and makes their way to computer cart to grab a computer then go back to their desks. i open the assignment and scan over it, mentally groaning at some of the questions.
"seriously?? what do i want in life? dude i don't know." i heard kailyn mumble next to me after a couple minutes of working. i look over to see her head in her hands as she tries to think of an answer.
"do you need help?" i asked politely sensing she didn't know what to put for her answer. she lifted her head to look at me and roll her eyes again. "yea right. from you? no way."
"i'm serious. i can see your struggling and i want to help." i replied sincerely and i saw the tiniest smile grow on her face. "i guess." she responded pushing her desk to be a little closer to mine.
"ok so are you struggling to come up with an answer or are you struggling to figure out the question?" i wanted to know what was happening before i started helping.
"i don't know my answer." she said quietly as if she was embarrassed that she didn't know what to put. "oh ok. just think past school and your life after it. what do you want it to look like? like do you want to be happy or to be free or...." i trailed off to let her give me her answer but instead i watch her cheeks turn pink and she puts her head down.
she laughs nervously and shakes her head as she keeps her head down. "kailyn what is it?" i wanted to know what got her all worked up. "nothing. it's stupid." she shakes her head again as her cheeks get more red.
"how stupid can it be? it's just what you wan-" i was cut off by her speaking again. "love" she states so quietly i almost didn't hear her, but i did.
"love?" i furrowed my eyebrows wondering what she meant by that. her head was still down but she nodded at my words. "what do you mean?"
"i want to know what it's like to be loved." she says hesitantly as she lifts her head to look at me again. "elaborate please." i said nicely because im very interested in this conversation now.
"you know when you truly love someone and you want to spend every second with that person? you never want to leave them when you hang out with them and when you do leave, you can't wait until the next time you see them. you smile every time their name pops up on your phone screen. you stay up until four am just because they're still awake and you wanna talk to them. i've never had that before. i want to be that person to someone." she paused to see if i was still listening and sure enough i was.
"i've never experienced true love. i've never fallen in love, it's just been liking someone. everyone i've ever been with has always been with me just because i'm 'hot', not because they actually like me. i just want to know what it's like to be loved." she stops talking and sighs then begins to type on her computer.
i continue to look at her and take in everything she just said. little does she know i'm always happy when i get to be around her. i don't want to leave but i have to and i know i'll get to see her again very soon. i have her number but she never texts me. i know if she did i would smile every time her name showed up on my screen. i would stay up until four am just to talk to her.
little does she know she is that person to me.
