𝐁𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐓 • 𝐄.𝐃

twelve

i sat on the couch twiddling my fingers as i waited for my mom to get home. nervous was an understatement for what i was feeling. i heard the door open and my heart rate picked up. i turned to see my mom with confusion plastered on her face.

"hey kailyn." she's been very cautious about speaking to me recently and i feel bad about it.

"hey mom. can- um-... can we talk?" i was struggling to talk to my own mother.

"yea..." she dragged out as she slowly walked over to the couch and sat down. "what's going on?"

i couldn't figure out how to go about this. "i um...i know about you being sick." her face dropped and her body slumped. she definitely was not expecting that.

"and before you say anything, i want to go first. i am so sorry. i know you were just trying to be a good mother and look out for my safety. i'm sorry i went off on you and i'm so sorry for the way things have been between us. i don't want however long you have left to be spent avoiding your own daughter. i am so sorry." i put my face in my hands as i started crying.

"kailyn look at me." she said quietly, not trying to come off as rude or assertive. i looked up at her to see tears brimming her eyes. "i should be the one apologizing. you are definitely not a weak little girl. you are so strong. god you definitely get that from your father." she let out a small laugh to lighten the mood a bit, which worked.

"i guess i just got scared. hearing you were on a very dangerous assignment with only ethan by your side hours away was hard to take in. you know that i hate this stuff and i hate that you're a part of it but im constantly trying to have a better attitude towards it. i know you can protect yourself, i just want my baby to be safe." tears fell from her eyes as she grabbed my hand.

i nodded and went in for a hug. "im here mom. and i will be here for the rest of the time." i pulled away with a weak smile on my face, my mom reciprocating it.

we went to the kitchen where i made us both a cup of coffee and we caught up on what we've been missing in each other's lives recently.

"so you and ethan are pretty close now." she brought up randomly making me almost choke on my coffee.

"i mean yea. we finally came to our senses and stopped wanting to gouge each other's eyes out whenever we're in the presence of one another." i shrugged as i set my cup down on the counter.

"so you're just friends?" she raised her eyebrows.

"yea?" i furrowed mine back at her.

"are you sure about that?" she dropped one eyebrow, keeping the other one raised.

"what are you insinuating?" i slumped my shoulders in defeat knowing where this is going.

"im just saying that your guys' body language around each other says otherwise. your guys' eyes light up any time you talk to each other or someone says his name." she took a sip of coffee as she kept her eyes pinned on me.

"okay yes. we both have feelings for each other, his being bigger than mine. but im not sure im ready to jump into a relationship with him yet. i spent so long hating him and creating a list of all the bad things about him that even though he's tried to show that he's not that person, they still outweigh the good things." i frowned knowing in the back of my mind, i still think of ethan as the same douche i hated two months ago.

"well then just give it time. let your feelings grow naturally. don't force anything and don't allow him to force you into anything." she put her mug in the sink and leaned her back against the counter.

"allowing someone to force me to do something? have you met me?" she laughed at my comment as i put my mug in the sink as well.

"good point. but until then..." i looked at her confused.

"my daughter has a cru-ush. my daughter has a cru-ush." she sang as she went up the stairs into her room. i threw my head back and groaned.

my dad appeared around the corner and smiled at me. "im glad you guys are getting along again." he leaned his body against the doorframe.

a smile appeared on my face as i looked at the top of the stairs.

"i am too."