I Lied | BTS

01

Kangdae couldn't help but stare at the wall blankly, his mind moving too fast to be able to get a grip on reality. It was happening, finally, something was happening and yet Kangdae wasn't sure if it had been the right decision. He had been a trainee for a number of years, taking it on a little later than most due to his struggling life and manager friend who helped him get into the business.

Kyong knew he would go far and after the two met in a quaint cafe, Kangdae's brother and Kyong's son made fast friends, they kept in touch over the years. Kangdae was hardworking just like his parents and he made sure everything was something close to perfect before he moved on to the next thing, his head wouldn't work with him if he left something behind so chose everything. Singing, rapping, dancing, instrumental, and producing. He could do it and he could do it well.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere,  Kangdae was called into Big Hit for a meeting and there sat the CEO Bang-PD himself with a fidgeting Kyong beside him. They proposed a proposition of being the new member of a group Kangdae had barely heard of before, something that was apparently surprising but Kangdae was much too focused on his own work and life to care about a group of boys making it big in the world. With that being said, he had enjoyed a few of their songs.

That was how he met Kim Namjoon, the leader of BTS and a kind soul that just wanted to see Kangdae succeed and prosper. Kangdae liked the man, he was welcoming and intelligent and everything a good leader should be and it was clear the two became fast friends. It was a good thing too because Kangdae was being pushed into his group without much of a choice and Kangdae felt terrible for it.

Areum was ecstatic to hear the news, almost jumping off of the walls in excitement for her brother, finally, he had made it. She always saw the bright side, a young girl full of love and acceptance. However, Minjun didn't find it all that amazing but Kangdae was used to that and didn't take it to heart, even with the young boy yelling at him and pushing him out of his and Areum's apartment. Kangdae had tried his best but it was never enough.

Kangdae sat in the conference room, leg bouncing with anxiety and hood hiding his face from view while his eyes remained set on a discoloured patch on the floor to keep him grounded. It was the day he would meet the rest of BTS, Kangdae just hoped at least some of them were as welcoming as Namjoon.

Kyong paced the floor at the front of the room, muttering something to himself and seemingly just as anxious as Kangdae if not more so. Bang-PD sat silently and calmly at the head of the table, either ignoring their behaviour or much too used to it. 

There was something in the air, something foreboding and Kangdae didn't like it one bit.

"They should be here. Where are they?" Kyong huffed, stopping for a moment to stare at his boss before scoffing, "Kids."

Kangdae chuckled quietly, even with the added pressure and stress he still found his manager and best friend too amusing to ignore, even with the emotions lodged in his throat and the pit sitting in his stomach. "They'll be here, I'm not worried." Kangdae shrugged, arms crossed over his reclining figure, not very professional but it had been an hour and he was done sitting with his back straight.

"Not worried but you're anxious, I see it." Kyong accused with a point of his finger.

"Listen to the boy, Hak-nim, they'll be here," Bang-PD spoke for the first time that hour, other than the usual greeting he had been oddly silent.

Kyong sighed heavily and fell into a chair, running a hand through his hair, but he didn't have much time to relax because in a matter of seconds there was a knock on the door and the manager sprang up once again.

Kangdae rolled his eyes, "Kyong, relax," He all but demanded, "I've already met Namjoon, how bad can the others be?"

"He is already a member," Bang-PD nodded, "Let them in, will you, Hak-nim?"

Kangdae didn't bother moving, even if he did want to make a good first impression but it was as if he couldn't move and he hated to think what would happen if he suddenly fell off his chair due to a wrong step. Just your normal jitters floating around.

Eyes moving back to the ground, Kangdae counted eight sets of feet, including Kyong's, shuffling into the room silently. The room was tense all of a sudden and Kangdae quietly huffed to himself because of it. 

"Boys, welcome," Bang-PD's cheery voice greeted the group, a grin probably easily taking over his features, "I have a big announcement though I am sure Namjoon has told you all of the news." Silence, "Well, I have thought about it for some time and have decided to add a new member."

Kangdae screwed his eyes shut, knowing his hood blocked most of his face from his new band members and although he liked that thought he knew he had to make an appearance soon. So, Kangdae's chin slowly lifted and his eyes first met Kyong, giving him a warm smile and obviously having calmed himself considerably, then they shifted to the person at the head of the group, dimples showing and eyes set firmly on Kangdae. He felt confidence rush through him and his back straightened, quickly sat up in his chair and pulled down his hood.

"Boys, meet your new member-"

"Kangdae?"

The voice was new and not at all Bang-PD's. Everything in the room stopped and the air grew denser as the person's voice shook with the faint whisper but it was clear; everyone had heard.

His gaze shifted and found a familiar man standing in the back, eyes wide and lips parted in complete shock. Kangdae would know those eyes anywhere, those rosy cheeks and far-off stare, that less-than-messy hair and soft skin. Something jolted inside of Kangdae as everything came rushing back like the floodgates had finally given up and that was it, he couldn't breathe or think or feel, he only saw and what he saw gave him so many memories of pain and love to burden himself with.

"Bub?" The nickname slipped out as it often used to do.

It didn't bring joy anymore, not after what happened, and as if he was knocked out of his wandering memories Jin gasped for air and tears filled his eyes. Quickly shaking his head, he looked away, "I- I can't be here."

Jin left in a hurry, stumbling past his members who had tried to reach out for him but he had already gone out the door and Kangdae was left to sit there, slumped in his chair. He finally understood what that feeling of foreboding meant.