I Lied | BTS

18

Kangdae guessed he had been overworking himself over the past weeks and it finally caught up to him because as soon as he left the studio it was as he blanked out and woke up right outside the bathroom, head pounding and limbs aching. He had fainted for about ten minutes according to the time on his phone and was probably due to the lack of water and food in his system. It was a problem that he forgot to take care of himself and especially to eat, it just wasn't his first priority.

But as he stumbled his way back to the studio he realised he seriously couldn't remember the last time he ate. At meals he moved the food around on his plate and eventually threw it away, he wasn't hungry and yet he knew what the pain in his stomach meant.

"Moon, where the hell have you been?" Chanwoo questioned loudly, catching everyone's attention in the room.

Kangdae, with a sickly pale face and sweat dripping from his hairline, made his way over to the group, "I fainted is all. I'm here now."

"You what?!" Jimin exclaimed.

Namjoon placed a hand on Kangdae's shoulder, "What happened?"

"It's fine, I was just dehydrated."

They wouldn't drop it for the rest of their practice understandably and when they got home, Hoseok made sure to give him the biggest glass of water in the dorm and made him drink it. Kangdae found immense amusement in that and decided to make him happy by sculling it down like his life depended on it and, truth be told, it did.

Kangdae was also intently watched during dinner and some came to realise they'd never seen his plate empty in the entire time they'd known him.

Namjoon pushed Kangdae's plate closer to him, "Eat." He all but demanded without another glance.

Kangdae sighed and forced a few more bites down his throat, feeling the bile in his stomach rising. It wasn't that he didn't want to eat he just wasn't hungry but he knew that concerned the others.

Namjoon was sure to give him an earful as soon as they entered their shared room, "You don't eat, do you? How have I never noticed? Your plate is always full by the time we all leave the table and the next minute you're in your room. Why?"

Kangdae stood there without knowing how to respond. He wasn't doing it on purpose, he didn't care about his weight.

"Dae-Hyung, please, you're killing yourself."

Kangdae wrapped his arms around himself defensively, "I'm just not hungry, alright?"

Namjoon stepped forward, "No, it's not alright." 

"I don't know what to tell you. If you're looking to fix something then look somewhere else cause I'm fine."

"Stop saying that!" Namjoon shouted, "You're not fine, I can see it but I guess you can't."

Kangdae peered into the younger's eyes, his irritation growing, "So, what? What are you going to do, Joonie? This is who I am and if you don't like that... then-"

"Who said I don't like you?" Namjoon quickly cut in with a frown and Kangdae glared with confusion, "Who said I wanted to change you? I care about you, Dae-Hyung, plain and simple. I want to help you. I don't want to see you wither up and die so soon even if you want to." He took another step and grabbed hold of Kangdae's jaw with both hands as he looked at him longingly, "Selfishly, I want you to live a long and happy life, is that so much to ask?"

Kangdae stared, eyes glistening with unshed emotion that was so raw he didn't know what to do with it, his mind was going into a flurry with thoughts that passed by too quick to really ponder on. His hands shook at his sides and his heart felt as though it was going to beat right out of his chest but he was okay, he was safe in the hands of someone that clearly cared about him, so why was it so hard to accept?

"You don't want me." Kangdae stubbornly whispered and the hands on his face only tightened yet it was anything but painful.

Namjoon narrowed his eyes, "Yes, I do."

"No, you don't."

There was a moment of silence.

"You'll never really believe me, will you?" Namjoon muttered and Kangdae shrugged, ready to turn away and crawl into bed but the hands were still there and suddenly so were lips on his.

Kangdae's eyes widened as he realised what was really going on, Namjoon was kissing him and he was doing it with so much passion that Kangdae almost brought him in closer but he only placed hesitant hands on the younger's waist and let it happen. Was it wrong if he wanted to kiss back?

Before he could even think, Namjoon pulled back with hurt and fear for what he had done swimming in his eyes, "I'm sorry," His voice wavered and broke as his hands dropped.

Kangdae shook his head softly and leaned his forehead against the younger's, "It's alright, Joonie."

There they stood in each other's embrace for a long while, unbeknownst to the person that had seen the intimate moment before scurrying away.