Vegas x Kinnporsche

ch-9 something right

Kinn's pov~

I sat on my bed as tears run down my face. Once again i felt his longing gaze on me as i was talking with Khun. Even though after that disgusting and disastrous night, he is doing everything to avoid me, i can still feel him looking at my way like he's just want me to embrace him and tell hin that that night was just a nightmare. It was nothing and reality is more beautiful than that.

But no Porsche... even though i have to die everyday, it's better than you not taking breath and being taken away from your loved ones.

Even though I have to drown myself in alcohol everynight just not miss your warm hugs throughout the night. I still have to let you go. So you can see more sun rises that you deserve.

I can't let my selfishness destroy you. No i ...just can't.

I walk towards my bar and picked the bottle which is going to be my partner to get me through tonight. Because even if i want to, i can't do anything else.

After what happened that night, i can't sleep even for a second. That night comes into my sleep as nightmares and haunt me. The second i close my eyes, i can see Porsche's destructive face. His face that showed such intense sadness, the betrayal, the confusion, the hope that i am going to deny everything i just said. That I'll just laugh and tell him that it was all just a sick joke. That we can still go to bed together and cuddle. That I'll apologize and whisper nothing but sweet things.

I still remember that night going straight out of the mansion and to Kim's place. Kim's shocked face as i entered his place and tell him to go back to mansion just for that night. I bet he saw something that he without even saying anything, get out from there.

The way that whole night went crying and screaming on the floor. The way i almost shot myself thinking what things i said to Porsche. The same way i hurted Vegas years ago. The way i turned into nothing but a disgusting monster that destroy the life of people who love him.

The way i know if mother would've been here, she would've been not happy with me that i made two people feel loved and then distroyed them to that extent that they couldn't even recognised themselves. If she is watching me from above like Khun had always says then she would be so ashamed of me. She would've hate me.

But then as i was about to pull the trigger , i remembered Khun... Kim... Pa...

No... I couldn't take from Khun his little brother too as Kim not being home already made Khun depressed. He'll not be able to handle the pain if i add one more injury to his heart.

I couldn't take from Kim his big brother to whom he confined, even if that is rare but no i can't. If ill be gone than he have to be here, doing what he's running from. Doing what i am glad he's running from.

I couldn't take from pa his only son who is always there for him when it's come to anything about the empire he built from years with his blood and sweat. I couldn't take his only shouler he could put his life load on.

I couldn't take from my family one more member after mother. It'll crumbled everything. It'll destroy everyone. It'll take everything that everyone is holding themselves dearly onto.

I chuckled as if im alive then im destroying people who loves me and if im dead im still destroying people who loves. He laughed at my faith and put the gun down.

I couldn't put the bullet in my head that i deserved, that day. Because even if the urge to die is high but for the people i love, i have to be here for them. Even if that means living but being dead from inside.

Im sorry my Porsche and Vegas.... that im still here...breathing.

Porsche's pov~