Safe Haven | Billie Eilish

9

"I'm Patrick." The man said to me not daring to step forward.

I still didn't move, I didn't even blink clearly males are the ones I don't do well with. I mean I also have trauma with females but mainly males. I surprisingly didn't go into a flashback or an episode however if I did then my meds again are at my house so it would just be really traumatic for me and anyone else who is with me. So just be glad I didn't go into a full blown episode otherwise that would be bad.

"Now I don't want you to feel worried about being here, once you walk through that door you're family. If you need anything then we're here to help you. No matter however big or small the problem is we're here for you. Help yourself to anything and everything you need." Maggie told me.

I guess my suspicion were correct, Maggie is as sweet as I thought. She's such a kind person, genuinely being an observer I noticed her when she came through the door. Her whole body language was calm, the way she looked at me wasn't intimidating, it was almost a look of love. If there's one thing I know it's that look of love was genuine, I don't get them very often if at all. I think the last time I got one it was the day I born when my parents looked at me.

I nodded as if to respond to her because no matter how much I wanted to, I just couldn't bring myself to speak. I mean is this what it feels like to have mother figure in your life because I genuinely need it.

"I'm going to make breakfast for you both after the night you've had, afterwards I would like it if you both took a nap just so you've got another energy for the day." I heard Maggie say before she and Patrick left the room.

Billie hadn't removed her hands from mine, I'm so glad she didn't because I knew there would be multiple injuries if she had.

Maggie on the other hand, I can't take a nap without meds because well I have insomnia. Two breakfast is another thing, I don't mind eating or anything but I'm a really fussy eater so I eat very little food. I don't have an eating disorder or anything I'm literally just fussy.

"What are you thinking about Haven?" Billie asked me.

I was surprised but also not at the fact that Billie had figured out what my thinking face is. I mean it's certainly different to what my normal face is but still, it usually takes people a while to figure out the differences in my facial expressions.

"I can't sleep." I told her.

Billie looked at me, I was reading her face completely. I observe a lot but one thing I haven't done yet is find out the differences in Billie's facial expressions and she's beat me to it by finding mine out.

"I understand, I really do. Do you think you could try? If you really can't you don't have to but just try and see." She said.

I nodded slowly as the idea sank in, it's not too bad if I try. It's not like I'm gonna die from trying to sleep and plus I'm sure Billie's got a few ideas you her sleeve to help me, I mean there's no knowing with this girl.

I just kind of sat there staring into space, I was completely aware of my surroundings and everything but I genuinely couldn't be bothered to talk to Billie anymore. I let all the thoughts of the past night sink in.

I had left my toxic family home behind because I needed to escape and not gain anymore trauma.

I wrote notes for my family and left them on the kitchen table because I thought people would find them but now I'm wish they wouldn't because I'm scared of their reactions.

I gave my brother what I thought would be the final kiss I'd ever give him without realising what I'd just done to him that he hopefully won't find out about.

I then left and went to the bridge where I had planned to take my own life which clearly didn't work.

Billie saved my life and invited me to hers because I had nowhere to go and here I am. I've been invited in her by her family because they decided they wanted to take me in as family.

And well here I am trying my hardest not to let out the fact that I've left my meds at home but also trying to make sure that I don't kill anyone in the withdrawal process.

Do I tell Billie about the meds or do I just hope I can mask it for long enough that she doesn't realise and then I can leave? I'm thinking more on the second option because I can't be bothered to worry someone who I barely know. Also because she'll probably convince me to go back on my meds which I really don't want to do because I feel amazing without them. If I was to go back on to them I genuinely think I might end up on the edge of the bridge again and this time no one will be saving me because I just will not let that happen not again.

"Girls breakfasts ready." I heard Maggie call.

For some reason my eyes weren't exactly focusing, they felt heavy but I pretend that it was nothing, I didn't exactly have any clue what it was anyways.