Safe Haven | Billie Eilish

14

"Billie?" I questioned for the forth time in the last two minutes.

There was no answer, infact I'm pretty sure she's asleep by now. It's been roughly two ish hours since we last spoke, well she spoke and I answered without speaking.

Honestly I'm surprised that I even spoke, I mean I know she's asleep and probably won't even hear me but even this house makes me nervous and Maggie is most definitely awake still.

I'm just really bored I can't lie to you, even since Billie fell asleep I've been bored. I don't even know what the time is and I think that's freaking me out, my parents could have a search party out looking for me, I mean I'm doubting it honestly but if they did then I'd be in big trouble and I'm sure I'd want to face the consequences.

The feeling that had began growing in my chest made me feel just more scared, if I'm going to pass out then I'd rather Billie was with me than not but this feels more like a mental breakdown of some sort and I don't really want one of them right now.

Looking around Billie's room was hard, her LED lights were really hurting my eyes I can't lie, I think Billie left them on when she fell asleep but they're genuinely so bright that my eyes are aching. I can't exactly think but I want to think, I need to know if my parents have even noticed that I'm missing or my brother or something.

I sat up slowly, careful not to wake Billie at all not even slightly. I tried my hardest to stay calm but it wasn't working, I was freaking out so badly that I don't think calming down is even an option at this point. I stood up potentially a little too fast because I had to try and steady myself before I fainted, luckily this time I did but who knows if next time I'll be so lucky, I highly doubt it but then again that's just me.

My legs were clearly much stronger and steadier now because I was able to hold my own body weight without falling over, I can't lie I'm glad about that, I don't need anyone else to have wait around for me. I walked towards Billie's door, the need for me to go outside and just be able to breathe would be helpful but then again this is me and nothing ever goes right.

I opened Billie's door, I barely know my way around this house and finding my own way and walking around is my only option to work it out. Walking down the hall and testing every door was not fun, feeling like you're dying isn't exactly fun either.

I took myself through their house until I found their back door and left to sit in their backyard. Rubbing my temples whilst trying to calm the never increasing headache whilst trying my hardest to calm down, practising the deep breathing I was told it would work but it didn't causing me to fall off the step I was on.

That only panicked me more, not only now was I terrified that I might die, I was terrified that I'd alert someone to where I was and that's something I certainly didn't want to do.

I felt something wet hit my leg, i had been far too caught up to notice that I had now started crying, that's one thing that I never do, I don't cry unless I'm extremely stressed and i mean extremely stressed which means I'm extremely stressed which is making me stress more. That was a mouthful.

"Haven, are you alright?" I heard Maggie say.

I couldn't talk though, my hands had worked their way up to my hair and were now stuck in there. I was terrified yet again and I still had no clue why. I think Maggie knew not to come near me or else I'd end up well who knows what would happen, I certainly don't want to hurt anyone.

My hands began to grasp more onto my hair and instantly I was shut inside my head, I could feel or hear anything all I knew was that I was in pain and I needed to get out of it but there was infact no way out.

"Haven it's me, it's Billie." I heard Billie say.

My hand were still tightly grasped around my hair but I was trying my hardest to calm down, Billie was with me so I shouldn't be scared but should I even be able to trust her or is it not her.

"Haven listen to me, I'm going to try and untangle your hands from your hair." Billie told me.

I felt the warmth of her hands on mine which made me jump to start off with but I still tried to stay calm, I mean I'm still worried about my parents which is clearly my main priority.

"You'll be alright, after we've got you sorted, we'll find something that you'd like to do for the rest of the day." Billie began whilst untangling my hands.

She got out my left hand before she started in my right hand, she tried her hardest to keep me calm but due to the amount I was worked it, it meant that I was at more risk of harming Billie or her family and I can't do that.

My vision was slowly coming back and I was met by Billie yet again with her iconic smile, the moment she saw my eyes open I could tell she was happy.

"There we go, keep your eyes open and focus on your breathing." Billie told me.

I did exactly as she said, I stayed calm but at the same time I was still worried, I mean what if my parents find me, who knows what they would do.