Safe Haven | Billie Eilish

13

Billie came back with chair, the first time she struggled to lift me up with me being basically a dead weight it was a little hard but soon enough she got the hang of it and we managed to get me onto the chair.

It felt really nice to be off of the cold, hard floor, I'd only been down there for maybe 30 minutes maximum but it still felt like forever. I was numb in most places from the way I'd been sitting but I was at least a little more mobile now. It's such a fun way to get around as well, you honestly wouldn't think it but it fast than the average walk obviously.

Billie room on the other hand is a vibe, it's such a calming vibe but at the same time there's a lot of mystery behind it. If you were wondering her bed is extremely comfy, it's soft as well. Her room also smells amazing, like fabulous if I do say so myself.

Maggie entered the room only a few minutes later, I think a saw a smile creep on her face when she saw how much calmer and relaxed I looked.

"Haven, I just wanted to tell you so you didn't worry. You can relax or sleep I don't mind which but do either for as long as you want. We don't have anything to do today so it doesn't matter how long you need especially after the events that have happened over the last day. If you need anything I'm just going to be somewhere in the house and Billie I'd obviously with you, tell either of us if you're not feeling well or you need something." Maggie told me.

I nodded in response, I tried my hardest to stay calm but for some reason I had an attachment to Maggie so her leaving me freaks me out. I mean I have mummy issues so I get attached to any female figure that shows any kind of love towards me.

"I hope you get some rest, you deserve it. Goodnight girls." Maggie said to us both before closing the door.

If this is what a proper mum is like then I genuinely wish I'd had one sooner, Maggie obviously isn't my mum but she's acting like the mum I've never had. I genuinely think I should've got a therapist the last time I was offered it, then again I think they would've ditched me and I don't really care.

Billie looked at me, I think she was trying to figure out the emotion I was showing but I didn't know so how would she know. Then again Billie has surprised me multiple times today so what's another time.

"You're hiding something." I heard Billie say.

I looked at her trying to act confused, there were a few things that I hadn't told her yet but then again she's technically still a stranger. I don't exactly need to tell her honestly, I mean I wouldn't tell anyone else usually but oh well.

"You don't need to tell me. I can just tell that you are and that's perfectly fine, I don't expect you to tell me because you don't really know me but whenever you want to I'll be here." Billie told me.

I just nodded back at her, I was hoping that I'd maybe feel a little better by now, I was tired but I know with my insomnia there's no sleep for me. I'm currently only on strong melatonin but I guess it's better than nothing, it doesn't exactly help me sleep but more kind of knocks me out.

The only other meds I'm on are for depression and basically they make me feel like a zombie, although my parents kind of made me because they told me that I was useless and that the meds would help me in some way. Basically they were stupid and were trying to make me feel like absolute shit. I guess I just pretended that they actually cared about me although they never did, it was just my way of trying to feel loved.

"Haven try and relax please." Billie said to me.

I think she could sense the tension, I felt like I was going to pass out again, I was dizzy and things felt slow. Billie instantly sprung out from her side of her bed and picked me up off the bed before placing me on the floor.

Luckily Finneas's chair was still left in her room from before, she grabbed the chair and lift my legs up so they were balanced carefully. I felt instant relief as the blood rushed to my head, I was no longer light headed and in some ways I genuinely felt normal.

What the hell is going on though because I have now almost passed out once and passed out once so what the actual fuck is happening to me. Like if this is going to happen more times then I'd wish it never started, I'm 14 for god's sake how much of my life would that waste.

"Better?" Billie asked.

I nodded, I'm still not comfortable speaking around here just yet. I think it has something to do with my parents but I can't quite work out what it is or why it's happening. I'm trying my hardest to be normal but I guess being normal is just boring.

"What are you thinking about?" Billie asked.

I shook my head slowly, I think I was so deep in thought that I hadn't exactly thought about what she'd said. I need to know what it is that's making me so nervous around Billie's family and what is causing me to have these fainting episode things.

"You don't have to tell me, it's alright." She told me.

Sometimes I just wish I was having a normal life, I mean it's somewhat normal but at the same time it's just a bit weird. It feels like it's not my own, it's like someone's controlling me.