Safe Haven | Billie Eilish

17

"Haven, I promise you that I will never let your parents hurt you again. I don't care if I have to make security escort you everywhere, I can't let anything happen to you. I really hope you know how special you are, I know I'll never be able to take away your trauma but I promise I'll show you why this life is worth living." Billie told me.

I didn't answer her, I couldn't get the look on her face when I told her out of my mind. She looked so hurt and honestly scared but it turned into an almost protective look, I could see the cogs turning behind her eyes almost as if she was figuring out what she could do.

"Are you ok Haven?" She asked me.

I nodded slowly, my eyes were still fixed on the wall behind her. Loads of unwanted memories had filled my head and it wasn't exactly what I wanted but I knew in some ways that I was safe with Billie, she just had this calmness about her, she just seems like such a kind soul who would never hurt anyone.

"Bil- I- Hel-" I tried my hardest to get a word out but nothing was working.

------

I opened my eyes, it was now dark? Looking around me, I saw that I was now in Billie's room, however Billie was not and it was just me. What had just happened? Had I passed out? Or was I just asleep?

It didn't feel like I was sleeping infact it didn't feel like anything, this time I couldn't hear anyone or anything and it was like I wasn't in the room at all. I don't remember plunging into the deep darkness and I certainly didn't get any warnings as if something was going to happen. Could talking about my life have caused me to pass out and if so then why was Billie not here?

Maybe I'm just being dramatic but would you leave someone who's just started randomly passing out alone when they pass out because I certainly wouldn't. Ok I need to calm down, there's probably a very plausible reason for her to have left so let's give her the benefit of the doubt.

"Oh you're awake." I heard Billie say from the doorway.

However the door was just closed and I didn't hear it open, infact I jumped slightly when I heard Billie's voice so I didn't know she was there at all which wasn't exactly a good thing. I felt like I was almost dreaming, things weren't making sense, nothing was joining up and I felt like I was moving in slow motion.

I studied her face, a look of concern was placed upon it. I didn't play into the concern, instead I focused on the thing she was holding. She had a basket in her hand, full of multiple things that I had never seen before and some things I have because I don't live under a rock. There were some packets of something and a towel along with a bottle of water and some other things.

I may only be 14 but I know exactly what's going on here, either Billie thinks I'm faking or something or she knows what's going on with me and isn't going to tell me. I'm taking the second option given what she told me earlier but I guess you can never trust anyone these days.

"I got you some things that I thought might help and also you were out for a little while, so my mum booked you in for a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I know your anxiety will be bad so don't worry I've already planned ahead for that one. Let's not worry about that right now and let's get you feeling better." Billie told me in a calming tone.

I don't know what it is but it's something about that tone that genuinely relieves me from all my stresses and calms me down completely, I also think that there's a lot of trust rooted in her voice, I don't know I guess it's almost strong and powerful but there's something about her voice that's different but in a good way.

"I not feel goo-" I tried to talk but it just came out all slurred.

I could see the concern in Billie's eyes but she pushed it away to comfort me, my heart had been racing all day today and my body had felt quite heavy but obviously I tried to push through because I'm not one of these people that gives up when something is thrown at you. Anyways what I am trying to say is that I shouldn't have ignored my body telling me to rest but that's just me.

Why do I feel so weird and what's wrong with me, I wish I knew honestly. I feel like I'm burdening people especially Billie with my problems, when in reality I've done nothing wrong but I can't help but tell myself I'm faking it for attention.