Safe Haven | Billie Eilish

11

"Haven, it's been a while are you ok?" I heard Billie ask.

I looked up, not realising that I'd been staring at my food and hadn't moved for clearly some time. Maggie kept her distance but still somehow checked on me. Billie on the other hand had almost moved as close as she possibly could to me but without squishing me, it felt like she was almost trying to protect me. 

I looked at Billie, a look that I didn't even really understand. The world became slower, almost like someone had hit a slow down button. I just stared straight at Billie before it all became blurry. All that I could see, if you can even call it that, was flashing white light on a black background.

I had no clue what was going on and to say I was scared would be a complete understatement. Deep down inside I was panicking, I didn't know whether I was alive or if this was what death felt like. I lost all feeling, I mean I'm pretty sure my body went limp.

Finally, only a couple of minutes later, I was able to see again. I had by now gained a headache but I was used to them. Everytime my parents would beat me, they'd aim for my head. I think they knew it would cause the most damage or the most pain for me. I'll never be able to understand why they did hurt me but they did and that's perfectly fine by me, I hurt myself too so I can't exactly be hypocritical.

I looked around, I was now on the floor. Surprisingly Maggie had now come close to me, infact she was holding me up. Mainly my head to try and support it I think but other than that, I have no idea.

Billie was just staring at me, I think the shock had kicked in for her. I still have no clue what happened, maybe it's just stress right? I mean stress can make you faint or whatever.

"Are you alright sweetheart?" I heard Maggie ask.

I nodded slowly, hoping that my senses would finally come back.  I was a little scared, I mean who wouldn't be. The closest I've come to anything like this was that one time I passed out on, I think probably the worst day due to the amount of abuse that I had suffered. That day I genuinely think I passed out due to the amount of pain I was in and the stress that it had put on my body. I was so greatful that, for once in my life, I had a genuine friend, I trust them a lot at the time and they did everything they could to help me.

They snuck food round my house, they helped me clean up all my cuts and scrapes but in the end they passed away. I think I never payed enough attention to them, I only was ever thankful to what they did for me. I never thought to ask how they were doing and now I wish they had. I'm going to spare you the gory details but there's one thing I can tell you, their parents killed them and that's why I always made the promise to escape mine.

I tried my hardest to sit up, my muscles however were weak. I tried to push on the floor to try and lift my body weight but I'm not sure if I can even lift my own arm anymore.

"Try not to move too much Haven." Maggie told me but I didn't care.

Billie still hadn't moved in the past few minutes, I was terrified for her. Was I seeing things, my brain does feel very slow now.

"Haven listen to my mum." I heard Billie say.

But she hadn't moved, so how could she be talking. I'm so confused, this headaches not going anywhere and i really need it to disappear. The more my brain was being messed with, the more scared I got. I was scared that I wasn't going to live and I don't know why that scares me when earlier I was close to taking my own life.

"Haven talk to me." I heard Billie say.

I nodded, I was a little confused on how to respond. I wanted to talk but my brain was getting confused with the signals it needed to send to which parts of my body.

"Haven, who am I?" I heard Billie ask.

Billie's really playing trick my brain.

"B-billie." I said.

"So where are you?" I heard Maggie say.

"Billie's house?" I questioned.

Slowly but surely my memory was coming back, although I was extremely fatigued and wished I hadn't has such an embarrassing happen to me especially around someone's house.

I suddenly became increasingly hotter, I thought to start with that it was just embarrassment but I'm too hot for being embarrassed. I'm boiling hot and it's not even hot outside, I'm so hot like if you sat next to a radiator for too long, that kind of hot.

"Haven do you want a drink?" Billie asked, I instantly shook my head.

Billie didn't listen to me and got up instantly to get me some water, she got me a glass as Maggie sat me upright against the wall. I genuinely don't know what it's like to have people that care about you but if this is what it feels like then I wish I'd got this kind of attention when I was a child, I think I craved attention back then.

The moment Billie put the glass in my hand, I knew my wall would break. I was not in control and i instantly began to down the water, like my body had been starved of hydration for ages. So when Billie took my hand and moved the glass away from my mouth, I was most definitely surprised and confused.

"Slow sips are much better for you. It could be dangerous otherwise." I heard Maggie say.

My body was not happy with the fact that I'd stopped drinking, my thirst instantly came back worse than ever. Trying to control yourself is hard.