Safe Haven | Billie Eilish

12

After my little episode, I hadn't had a chance to get up off the floor. My episode, if that's how you describe it, had caused my muscles to weaken a lot more than I thought it had. I had tried already to get up off the floor myself but I just fell back down.

The longer I was on the floor, the more I struggled to move, I think that was mainly the mental strain affecting me after a while and neither Billie nor Maggie could lift me, I wasn't able to drag myself either due to the weakness mainly being in my arms. Patrick tried to lift me but that almost caused a mental breakdown so Billie decided to call an end to that and said that she'd find another way.

I just sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall. I was now at least some what stable but also not at the same time, I was calmer and certainly wasn't exactly freaking out over what had happened now.

I was now aware that I had infact fainted but it was due to my fast heartbeat, at least that's what I think was the reason. My heart rate was extremely fast because I was freaking out without even realising it, I mean due to the food, it made me freak me out a lot more than usual. Not to mention that I'm obviously not used to this kind of environment.

Maggie now was trying to figure out what had happened to me, everyone's first thought was that I'd taken something and therefore overdosed on it. I hadn't taken anything though, I wouldn't do that. I've seen the effects an overdose can cause so why on earth would I do that. I don't blame anyone for checking if I had though because most of my symptoms are similar to those of an overdose. So now it's a case of eliminating all the things that it could be until we work out what it is.

Honestly, I'm surprised that although I've only been in this house for a solid three hours maximum, they care so much about me. They care so much about me, to the point where they've literally given up their day to help me and invited me into their house.

"Haven, have you had any problems like this before?" Maggie asked.

By now Maggie was on the phone with a doctor or someone, I wasn't about to go there in person because then they'd take me back to my other family. I wouldn't want to go back, no matter how much I wanted to give my brother the best big sister he could want. It was too late for that, my life was over many years ago, I mean my normal life.

The life I'm living now doesn't feel real, I'm trying my hardest to be happy that I've left home but now I just feel like a burden to Billie and her family. Why on earth did I decide to do this?

I should've just stayed at home, I wish I was at home in some ways. I wish that home was safe but it really isn't, I think that's why I decided to leave because I knew in the long run it would be so much better. I wish I could put my brother to bed just like I used to and kiss his forehead before closing his door knowing that he was safe whilst I took as many batterings as it took till my parents gave in. Making my brother happy that mattered most.

I wish I was happy and I thought that escaping would give me a way out but it's just causing more and more problems. Why can't life ever be genuinely easy?

"Haven?" Maggie asked again.

I shook my head at her, I forgot that I forgotten to answer her question, infact I forgot that she'd even asked me a question in the first place but oh well I guess my brains gone a little funny.

Billie was scheming a plan on how to get me out of the kitchen but all I cared about was the fact that I hadn't even finished my food. I mean in some ways I didn't care but in some ways I did.

I guess I'm just an indecisive person but I mean isn't that obvious by now.

"Yes she did lose consciousness, no she didn't hit her head." Maggie told the person on the other end of phone.

It was clear to see that she was visibly getting agitated with them and I don't blame her, the person on the other end had been asking millions of questions. No doubt very annoying questions, I swear people always ask useless questions.

"Ok thankyou, bye." Maggie said before hanging up the phone.

Billie stood up and moved over to me, Maggie had just given her some sort of look so I'm guessing they're telepathic or something.

"Let's get you off the cold floor." Billie said to me.

"I'm going to hold you up and then I'm going to put you on a chair from Finneas's room and wheel you into my room so you can relax and take a nap." Billie told me.

Finneas? Who's Finneas? Billies never told me about him before, I'm acting like I've known her for years when in reality I've known her for less than a day.

She left to go and get the chair from Finneas's room, I can't lie her plan is kind of smart. It's smart to wheel me to her room, the nap part just isn't going to happen and neither is the relaxing part. I have yet to tell them that I've stopped taking my meds, but that can't be why I had that episode right? I mean I don't think it could be the affect of going cold turkey on my meds but then again I'm not a doctor and I'm not claiming to be.