This isn't real

Child(e) abuse

"Childe...We may have a small predicament." Zhongli was shifting on Childe's lap as the twelve inches of Snezhnayan meat kept getting stuck in his ass crack.

"Oh, sorry. forgot we were naked." Childe carried him to the bed and cleaned up the remnants from last night. They both bathed with Childe providing aftercare for Zhongli that he forgot to give last night.

"Sorry, love. I forgot that when I get drunk, I don't think straight. I really can't remember why we did it though." Childe was massaging Zhongli's back as they were in the same bathtub.

"It's fine. I actually...enjoyed it." -Z

"EH?!" Childe jumped back, splashing a bit of water on Zhongli.

"Gah!" Zhongli flinched as he felt a big slap on his back.

"Sorry, sorry. Let's hurry up." Childe quickly finished bathing both of them and changed. Zhongli was practically useless as he couldn't walk but tried his best to help.

"Hey guys. What's u-OOHHH!" Aether waved at them before collapsing and pointing at Zhongli's neck.

"Oh shit!" Signora was snickering at the sight of Childe carrying someone. And then she noticed where Aether was pointing. Her eyes widened before a loud scream erupted from the end of the hallway.

"TARTAGLIA! YOU BITCH! WHAT DID YOU DO MY DAD?!" Xiao was at the end of the hallway, Ganyu ready with her charged bow and Hu Tao holding a shovel.

"Run!" Zhongli yelled. Childe didn't need to be told twice. The two of them bolted down the hall, running as fast as possible. Many of the people from yesterday were still there. And most of them saw Childe running down the hall, carrying Zhongli, with three teens chasing after them.

"Get back here Fatui scumbag!" Ganyu released her arrow and it just grazed Childe's shoulder.

"Over there!" Zhongli pointed at a corner and they turned into it. They caught their breath as they zipped past, still looking for them.

"I should have known." Zhongli mumbled to himself as they sat on the floor.

"I'm so sorry about last night." Childe was practically begging at this point.

"Ah! No need, no need. It wasn't your fault." -Z

"Still! Now you can't walk. And what would your mothers think about this?" -C

"I don't know but you shouldn't feel bad. It was to happen eventually." -Z

They went at it for a while, bickering like an old married couple, before Zhongli stopped them both and noted that they hadn't eaten. Childe carried him to the dining room and it turns out that no one had eaten yet.

"Morning Li. Why is Childe carrying you?" Gorou waved at them before noticing their position.

"Well, uh..." Childe tried to come up with a lie but was very rudely interrupted by someone.

"EY! Tartaglia! Aeth here is saying you actually fucked the Geo Prince?!" Kaeya, the cavalry captain of the Knights of Favonius, threw both doors open and noticed the fact that Zhongli's entire family was there. "Oh shi-"

"You...what?!" Noelle slammed her hands on the table, causing everything to either shake or slightly spill.

"What?" Albedo, who had been playing with a flower he made, crushed it and let the dust fall onto his food.