He Told Me to Live

17 | Titans

"You're insane." One of the first things that Levi said when we got back.

I'd like to say that he was wrong, but there was a tang of insanity in the back of my head as I fought that day. Maybe Eren was rubbing off on me in the worst way possible. It wouldn't be surprising in all honesty. He had a way of doing that to people, including Armin. Perhaps especially Armin.

He clicked his tongue and walked up to me, a limp still in his leg from battle. "Tell me where it hurts."

"Just the left arm."

"Just the left arm? Are you sure?" He gently lifted it, I winced, causing him to let go of it. "We'll get it checked out. Anywhere else?"

"I ache a bit. It will not hinder my daily chores."

He furrowed his brow. "You aren't doing daily chores with your left arm broken. Forget it."

"Yes sir."

I sat down in front of a medic, but as he was patching up my arm, I couldn't help but think about the cadets that were out to get Eren and Ymir back. They were friends with the Colossal Titan and the Armoured Titan. With Bertholdt and Reiner.

How would that betrayal feel, should it ever happen with someone I'm close with?

I only met Bertholdt and Reiner recently, same with Annie when we learned that she was the Female Titan. What would happen if it were someone I was close to? Would I hesitate?

"Captain."

I looked up and saw the bandage wrapped around my arm. "Is that too tight?"

Maybe I scared him off with the fact that I simply stared at him in silence since he quickly walked off, but I realized that wasn't the case when Levi placed his hand on my shoulder. "Is the bandage alright?"

I nod, an absent-minded response.

As night fell, I was told to try and sleep, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. I was thinking of Erwin, in pursuit of such deadly titans. I was thinking of the cadets, who chose to practically walk into hell for the sake of humanity.

And I thought of Historia. She loved that girl, Ymir. It took a few moments for me to realize. The way she looked at Ymir, talked to her, talked about her, I could tell.

I could also tell that it would be a love story cut short.

"You're restless." Levi sat down next to me, looking up at the stars like I was. It was an accurate assumption. "Your mind was always like that, wasn't it? Constantly thinking, examining, strategizing... Was that from the training you used to have? As an assassin?"

I could see that he was trying to divert my attention from those going after Eren and Ymir. It worked quite well. "If I didn't do that, I probably would've died when I was... fourteen?"

"Fourteen, huh. Kind of young for an assassin if you ask me."

"Is it? There were plenty of them. They're quick and have creative brains but are also intelligent and understand."

"Understand what?"

I thought for a moment, thinking back to when I was fourteen. A long time ago, to say the least. "Everything. Sacrifice, life, death. Things that are hard to swallow. Everything... except for choice."

He put his arm on my shoulder. "Seems like you still don't understand it after all these years."

I didn't answer that one. There were a lot of things I didn't understand. Erwin's mind, loyalty, those who have authority, those who don't; choice was the last thing I was thinking about. You don't choose when you die or when you're born.