Shifted

16. Kalaya

"No not tonight," I tell Sail as she dives in for a kiss, turning my cheek at the last second so she sloppily kisses my cheek. With a giggle I pull away as her webbed hands try to grab for me.
"C'mon we both need this," she gave me a suggestive look. Ive never turned her down before unless exhausted, but I realized I didn't have a desire to be with her like that. Josalena's lips felt like they were forever imprinted on mine. It was like that time I accidentally fell by my fire pit and my hand fell right inside. Even though I snatched my hand out right away, I still felt that burn for a long time after. It was the same as when Josalena kissed me, as if her lips were on fire and even though we pulled apart and she wasn't even around, I could still feel the burn of it. But in the most delicious way. My lips tingled as I ran my fingertip over my mouth at the memory of us kissing. Shaking my head, realizing I was zoning out and probably giving Sail the wrong idea, I told her,
"nah, I need rest," I stretched out my limbs. She grinned and nodded, "see you around," she purred and winked before turning away to find her next bedmate.
Feeling buzzed, I headed out. Before Josalena's care I didn't even realize it before, but no matter how dirty I would become I never thought too much of it. Sure we rinsed off, it's not like there was years of grim stuck to all of us. But we had no soaps and access to hot water. Im used to rinsing off once every two weeks. It never used to be a priority, all the work they made us do, sleeping in the dirt and sweating in the elements all day, bath would be pointless here. We could wash off built up dirt fine but we would never be able to stay clean. Not in our environment. Not how we were forced to live.
Now that I was sweating, I sniffed myself and cringed, feeling the need for one of her hot baths. Even a cold one would do.
Did she think of me as a dirty animal? When she leaned in next time we saw each other, would she flinch away from the smell of me? Gag from kissing me and trying to hold her breath? I wanted to be clean for her, wanted to steal her breath away in a romantic way not a repulsive one.

A noise behind me alerted my sensitive ears that someone was following me. I could tell by the way they sucked in a breath when I froze mid step, could hear them dart away.
Turning, I saw no one like i knew I wouldn't as they had hidden themself, but could hear their heartbeat still. There was plenty around as I was walking down a line of huts that were filled with shifted. But this ones heart rate was frantic from fear or excitement. And they were outside, hiding behind a hut, I could hear their feet crunching into the sticks and small rocks as they leaned down. I could smell the sweat and stank of them as sure as I just smelled my own self just now.
Turning away; I continued on, listening as they followed behind me all the way home. Walking inside, I grabbed out a knife I kept hidden and marched right back outside.
To come face to face with a very wide eyed child. Her eyes were so large they nearly took up her whole face. And they were marble green and lines of yellow inside of them. More than that, there were no whites to her eyes. Her nose was a small scaly bump on her face with two slits for holes. As far as I could tell, that was all that was animal about her. She had golden curly hair and human ears poking out the side of her head. She was small, probably about eight years old. She had reddish brown skin that was dusty probably from sleeping on the ground and dirt covered her green clothes that looked too small for her, probably a time for an upgrade as she was a growing girl. It was harder for children, as their size was constantly growing. Most children got put in a large shirt and that was that.

"Hiii," she dragged out the greeting, looking nervous as she eyed my knife; but didn't step back. Just stood there, watching me.
I said nothing as I crossed my arms and glared down at her.
"You're Kalaya right? My name is-"
I held up a hand. "I don't care. Go," I hissed before turning away and going back into my hut, placing the wood door back. She could just pull it away, come in or talk to me through the door, but she rustled off. It may seem harsh, how I treated her. But I learned long ago to not get too attached to any certain one. Sure I loved my people as a whole. But loving and caring for any one of them could lead to serious heartbreak. I liked it how it was. Like how i didnt have anyone to care for. To worry about.
Our lives were rough and most of us wouldn't see old age.
And it was bad enough I already felt attached to a human who could turn on me at any moment. At any moment she could join her fathers cause, maybe even years down the road take over his position once he became too old and I find myself on the other side of a cage at her orders.
I laughed at myself, alone in the dark.
Yeah right I'll live to see that day. Either I would be dead in the next few years or I'll have found a way to escape. And I wouldn't accept anything else.