Shifted

24. Kalaya

My gut felt all twisted as I slumped to the floor. Digging my nails into the my palm to keep myself rooted as Josalenas feet carried her away.
Fingers snapped in front of my face.
"Hello, did you get the info?"
I sighed as my eyes rolled towards Snakegirls gaze.
"Snakegirl," I sighed, "this whole responsibility is getting to me. I think we are too young to shoulder the freedom of our people. We should let someone else do it. An adult. Someone who has years on us."
Snakegirl blinked slowly at me, her expression frozen. My head jerked back in shock as her hand connected with my cheek. It was lightweight with no real weight behind it. But still.
"You!" I gasped as she angrily hissed at me, backing away and crossing her arms as she glared at me from the other side of the room. "Sorry, thought you were in shock or losing your mind," she snipped.
"Ok..." I slowly stood up. "You're a kid and you're angry and don't know how to deal with it. But don't do that again," I wagged my finger at her and warned. But I wasn't really angry. Her feistiness is what will get her far. I would hate for her to ever lose that fire inside of her. It happens all the time, when things become too much, the mind has a way of dulling the pain. And turning into a muttering zombie wasn't ideal.
"You're becoming one of them already " she accused, visibly shaking in fury.
"Look, just because I got the hots for a human doesn't mean-"
"This is not about the human! I mean like them-" she pointed her fingers towards the door. "The adults here. They would have things stay the same if it meant lifting a finger. If it meant getting dirty. As if we don't already have to roll around in the mud."
My heart felt heavy for her. She learned what I did at her age. That no one was willing to fight. No one wanted to cause a disturbance because they have been beat down too long for too many years, and in their fear, they've become complacent.
"Well, we don't have the maturity to be the ones to make these plans," I threw my arms up in exasperation. "Look what we're doing. Making plans to hold people against their will. To hold up school children. Deceiving friends-" I cut off my words and shook my head as my heart clenched painfully all over again. "She's really nice you know. We go way back," I explained at Snakegirl's judging look. I don't know why I was indulging a bratty kid whom I just met not too long ago. I could just kick her out and be done with it. But she's grown on me, and plus she reminds me of myself as a kid. "We're going to get people killed Snakegirl, we're going to kill people too. We shouldn't play with lives like this. How will you know, in the end, if it will all be worth it?"
"When we are free, it will be worth anything we do to get there," Snakegirl said sounding so sure as a single tear fell from her eye and down her cheek. It looked so out of place on her face that was twisted with hatred and rage.
I sighed and looked away as my shoulders slumped. "I'm not so sure Snakegirl, I think once we are free we will have to live with every choice we made to make it happen. Until the day we die."
"That's fine by me," she stood up. "If I have to live with that burden. Fine!" She cried out. "But I'll die happy knowing that no more shifted will be born enslaved."
She sniffled and stormed towards the door.
"Wait," I shot up. "You're right," I announced making her pause. "We will continue the plan."
She turned slowly. "No more going soft on me?" She gave me a wide eyed look.
"It's ok to have empathy, Snakegirl. See this is what I mean. You're way too young, it's already getting to you. I shouldn't have had you digging those holes and pitching ideas to you."
Snakegirl laughed. "No yeah, that's exactly what's been getting to me and not the constant state of starvation. A guard gave me a bone and I was so hungry I even tried to eat it. It had small fleshy part left," she shrugged. "Another guard spit on me today," she whispered. "Aimed it at my face. Got me good," she kicked her feet out. "I want to kill them. I want to set this whole place on fire, and- at times, I feel like I wouldn't even care if I'm inside or outside when it burns down." She looked so broken and sad and I hated that I had no comforts for her. This was all we had. If I didn't get Snakegirl out of here soon, she'd never have a chance to be a kid.  Just a kid. With no worries like the human children. They didn't wander the streets in search of food, didn't have to grow up in a shack of other children because their parents died; because making it to old age was impossible around here.
"I know when the holiday is," she perked up slightly as I spoke. "But let me worry about the heavy stuff, ok? I have a better idea anyway," I smirked at her. "And I think it's you who's going soft," I playfully kicked her.
"Probably," her face expression relaxed as she settled back on a mat. She looked more comfortable and I think all along she just wanted someone to say, don't worry kid, I got this.
Fuck, why'd it have to be me though?
I sighed, knowing taking in a kid had been a bad idea. Now I had to go and sacrifice my life to make sure she didn't have to hold the weight of the world on her shoulders.
She was right, I was becoming one of the adults. Because now, I had people I cared about. I was afraid of going through with plans to freedom. It would be easier to put my head down and take it than to lose my life and leave Snakegirl or Josalena in this cruel place alone. Or worse, lose their lives because they were too close to my mess.
Although, I was willing to die for the cause, I would not allow Snakegirl and Josalena do the same.