Shifted

29. Josalena

"No," I gasped at the amount of blood that painted the walls and pooled onto the floor. It was brown and dried. He hadn't even bothered to clean it up. That day he came in and I had avoided even thinking what he had been doing in here, and whole time, he had been killing them.
Their names ran across my mind as clearly as when I used to read them aloud from my list.
They weren't my friends exactly, but they were under my care. I was all they had: their only hope and I failed them. I failed them.
I failed.
A strangled noise came out of my mouth.
Falling to my knees, my ear rang. My body felt cold. So cold.
I failed. I failed.
I couldn't stop seeing each of their faces.
Fern. Gobe. Everyone.
Lilac... did they die horribly like she had?
Did they suffer and suffer, their hell feeling eternal as they were sliced and cut up?
My father was a monster. I felt sick to know I shared anything with him. That I was made from him.
Monster flower through my veins.
I looked down at my hands and couldn't stop seeing them gripping that axe, blood flowing through them as I was forced to slaughter Lilac.
Looking down at myself, i realized I was wasting time. I was all dressed up for a reason and had a lot to do today. There were a lot more shifted than the small group that was held here. I had failed them and that would stick to me for life. Their blood was on my hands.
But their deaths didn't have to be meaningless. If I got up and continued to do what I needed, if i helped the shifted people become free, equals even; then maybe one day it would all feel ok.
Either way, I was afforded a luxury to stop and mourn these loses. Not when so many more could die.
Steeling my heart; I got up on shaky legs and headed back inside.

I felt as if someone had taken over my body, as if I were watching from the back of a carriage as someone else pulled the horses forward. Blinking, I looked around at the smiling faces of the first family. My father was sitting at the end of the table, a pleased look on his face.
"I think it's time our son marry, and you would be a beautiful choice, he's had a crush on you since he was a boy,"
"Mom," their son, Joseph, snorted, stabbing at his potatoes. When his mom shot him a look he cleared his thought. "It would be a practical match. We are leaving town soon, we are currently on a tour," he explained to me and my ears perked up for that. Finally something was coming from this dreadful brunch.
"We want you to come with us. See how the tour goes. Maybe talk of marriage after?" His mom pipped in and his father agreed with a few grunts.
"That sounds amazing, right Josalena?" My father jumped in as I stayed quiet a beat too long.
"It sounds like a dream come true," I said in my most breathy voice as if I were honored to have been picked out like the fastest pig in the auction.
Their son smiled at me, a smile that gave me the creeps and chilled me.
"I know it's sudden, but we leave tomorrow, first thing. We'll have someone pick you up from your place."
"Wonderful," my father clapped his hands together and gave me a nod. I could tell this wasn't new to him. Maybe he had been working this angle for a while.
"I'm grateful for the opportunity," I told the family. My mind started working ahead. If I did marry their son, would I have say so in shifted affairs? Would I be able to make a difference? Or would I be kept as no more than a trophy?  Either way, i needed to go on that tour, see beyond our gate and to other villages. How big was the world? How far did it go? Why did we enslave shifted and refused to allow them to go free? Who were all these families in charge and why were they? What gave them the power? What were we all up against?  The more I understood the better I could make plans. It seemed everyone was kept in the dark, even my father didn't have much to tell me, and I could tell it wasn't just from him keeping secrets but that he genuinely didn't know for sure.

Back at the house my father encouraged me to pack and pack I did as my mind raced on what to do now. I had met the first family and they were quick to get me to tie the knot with their son. It all seemed too easy. Although father had talked with them before brunch no doubt pitching the idea. He was good at convincing others. And he had dressed me up like an offering with my new clothes and jewels.
Jewels that I now took off, packing them, medic supplies, two cantees, dried foods and nuts and practical outfits just in case. I also packed a trunk full of clothes. My heart raced and I knew I would visit Kalaya tonight, but I wasn't sure what I would tell her. All I knew was I was going to sneak her out alongside me, sneak her on that carriage and have her come with. Two minds were better than one after all and she was the perfect person to figure a way out of this reality that us humans had created for ourselves and shifted kind.
"Josalena!" My fathers voice thundered out and my heart stopped. Was he on to me? Did he realize i had went into the barn?
I raced to the stairs before he could come find me in my room; maybe even check what I had packed.
"What is it?" I called out as he popped up in view at the bottom of the stairs.
"You need to stay inside tonight. The damned halfbreeds are holding a school hostage."
My eyes widened. No that couldn't be right. I wondered if Kalaya knew, she didn't mention... but she had questions for me. About today. About the holiday. And that guilty look that had flashed across her expression; that I didn't catch in the moment but easily thought back to now.
"I have to go-" he began.
"Let me come, i could help-"
"No, you need to bring your stuff to Sebastian's, I'll have you escorted. You need to distract them. If they find out under my watch that half breeds are freely roaming around, taking children hostage; they'll call off the match; turn their backs on you." For the first time in forever he looked distressed.
"Ok dad," I nodded. "I'll distract them."
He looked relieved as he left with parting words about a carriage waiting out front to take me. He had to know it was useless to try to keep this from them. They'll find out, being well connected. My plans were in tatters. But the wheels in my mind were already spinning. New plan. I grabbed up my bag, threw on trousers and a blouse with a belt that had sachets and made sure my father was gone before rushing off, sneaking by the carriage.
Kalaya, i had to get to Kalaya.