flowers through concrete||yeonbin✔️

every single second

"people say the sky is the limit but that's not true. you are your own limit."

*2 months later* (yeonjun = seven months pregnant)
I look down at the grave and sigh, "I would sit down and chat but I can only be here for a couple of minutes, plus if I sit down I'll probably embarrass myself in front of Soobin trying to get back up."

The cold January wind whips around me in response and the simple grey stone with KANG JEONGHAN stares back at me. Sunrise: June 10th 2001 ~ Sunset: November 28th 2022. "A man who will be remembered."

"I don't know whether you're in Heaven or Hell, but I hope you're doing better there than you were on Earth. I probably won't see you in a while because I look like I could pop at any moment so hopefully no birds poop on you because I won't be here to wipe it off," I say while shivering slightly. I look at the stone and guilt twists in my stomach. The couple days after Jeonghan's death was pure chaos.

The nightmares....they were horrible. I woke up in the middle of the night screaming and crying, Soobin would hold me until I calmed down and fell asleep again but I could tell it took a toll on him emotionally as well. The guilt ate him up from the inside and he started to stray away from me and he loss weight because he stopped eating. It broke my heart to see both of us hurting and we couldn't even rely on each other.

Beomgyu never spoke to anyone about what happened in the room with him and Taemin. Taemin was taken somewhere by someone who Soobin said is a close friend to him and he hasn't been heard of since. He was emotionally shook and it took him weeks to finally even talk to Taehyun, who visited him everyday and cried when Beomgyu never came out of his room. He would call me in the middle of the night and we would share our nightmares. Sad but it helped us cope. Min-jee was Beomgyu's light in the time of darkness, the baby made him smile whenever he saw her, eventually he manned up and him and Taehyun adopted her. The couple seemed even more happier with the newborn around.

Me and Soobin only just recently started talking again after we went to visit Jeongin for our monthly check up and he commented on the depressing mood. I honestly missed Soobin...a lot. He always seemed to make me smile even if my day was complete and utter crap. I explained to him why I had to visit Jeonghan and despite how crazy it sounds....he understands me, which is something that makes me feel seen.

My stomach is huge these days. It's a struggle to put on shoes, clothes, and everything is suddenly a hard task. I can't even use the bathroom in peace because I can't even see in front of my belly and aim. I've stooped as low as to taking a piss sitting down to lessen the stress.

My ankles are starting to swell if I walk too much and some days I just feel like crying my eyes out forever. Sleeping is just horrible, before I even have nightmares I toss and turn trying to find a comfortable position, I usually sleep on my back but it feels like someone is sitting on my chest and when I sleep on my side, the only way I can, it feels like Daebak is about to roll right out of my womb.

I look at my new watch and say, "Unfortunately I must take my leave now, my friend. Stay safe hm?"

I turn around and walk, more like waddle, back to Soobin who's watching me with an incomprehensible look on his face. I'm slightly red in the face when I reach him and he grabs my hand before helping me sit down in the car, even buckling up my seatbelt for me.

He gets in the car and we pull out of the silent cemetery, "Guess what?"

I look at him and the happiness is clear as day on his face, "What happened? You look super excited."